Grosey's Messages

The last thing a narcissist does before cutting you off.

You'd think they'd just leave. That when they're done with you, they'd walk away quietly and move on. But narcissists don't operate that way. They can't just end things and go. Because leaving isn't enough for them—they need to destroy you on the way out. They need to make sure that even after they're gone, you're still dealing with the damage they caused.

So here's what they do right before cutting you off: they destroy your reputation. They launch a final, comprehensive smear campaign designed to ensure that when you're no longer together, no one believes your side of the story. They poison every mutual connection against you. They tell lies so convincing that people who've known you for years start questioning your character.

They paint themselves as the victim and you as the abuser. They take every private vulnerability you shared and weaponize it publicly. They twist every argument, every reaction, every moment of you defending yourself into evidence that you were the problem all along. They rewrite the entire history of your relationship so thoroughly that even you start doubting your own memory.

And they do it preemptively. Before you even know they're leaving. Before you have a chance to tell your side. Because they know that whoever controls the narrative first usually controls it permanently. So while you're still trying to make the relationship work, still hoping things will get better, still giving them chances—they're already telling everyone you're crazy, toxic, abusive, the reason everything fell apart.

Then they cut you off. Cold. Complete. No explanation. No closure. Just gone. And you're left not just heartbroken, but also defending yourself against lies you didn't even know were being spread. Fighting for your reputation with people who've already decided you're guilty. Trying to explain what really happened to an audience that's been thoroughly convinced of a completely different story.

This is the discard phase at its cruelest. Not just leaving, but scorched earth. Making sure you can't recover easily. Making sure mutual friends pick sides—their side. Making sure your reputation is so damaged that even if you try to speak up, no one believes you. Making sure you're isolated, discredited, and dealing with the aftermath of their lies while they move on unbothered to their next victim.

And here's the most insidious part: they do all of this while still pretending everything's fine with you. They're telling people you're unstable while texting you "I love you." They're spreading rumors about your behavior while acting normal to your face. They're building their exit strategy and destroying your credibility while you're completely unaware it's even happening.

So when they finally cut you off, when they finally discard you and disappear—you're blindsided. Not just by the loss of the relationship, but by discovering that while you were fighting for them, they were fighting against you. While you were trying to make it work, they were making sure everyone thought you were the reason it didn't.

The last thing a narcissist does before cutting you off is destroy your reputation so thoroughly that you can't recover easily, can't get support from mutual connections, can't tell your truth without being labeled as bitter or vindictive. They make sure their exit is clean and yours is catastrophic.

So if you notice they're suddenly very concerned with how they look to others, if they're painting themselves as long-suffering and you as difficult, if they're sharing "concerns" about you with mutual friends—the discard is coming. They're preparing the narrative. And by the time they actually leave, the damage will already be done.

Protect yourself. Document everything. Don't share vulnerabilities they can weaponize. Build support systems outside your mutual circle. Because if a narcissist is going to leave, they're not just going to leave—they're going to make sure you pay for it first.

The last thing they do before cutting you off is making sure everyone thinks cutting you off was the right decision. Don't let them control that narrative. Your truth matters. Even if it takes time for people to see it.