Grosey's Messages

Wisdom To Forgive      Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.    

 "Yesterday" is one of the most haunting songs in the Beatles' 213-song repertoire. Now, nearly sixty years later, Paul McCartney has explained its emotional bridge: Why she had to go?  I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said something wrong. Now I long for yesterday. It turns out, McCartney had a conversation in which he embarrassed his mother. Then she died at the age of forty-seven when the singer was just fourteen years old. Now he wishes he had an eraser he could use to rub that "yesterday" moment away. We don't have to live very long before we experience such pain ourselves from things we said and did to others and things they said and did to us.

Dwight L. Moody said, "I believe that the sin that is causing Christians more difficulty than any other is the sin of an unforgiving spirit." And, he said he believed that that sin, more than any other sin, was holding back the power of God in prayer in the hearts and lives of people. Now, I cannot prove that he is right. I think, most likely, he is. But, for him to even say that means that forgiveness is a problem that many people have not properly dealt with. Perhaps today your heart is harboring some heartache or some hurt that somebody has given to you and you don't know how to deal with it.

Some are listening today who are in chains. Some are chained by the chains of guilt are chained there because they have done wrong and they have not yet gotten forgiveness. Those who are chained by bitterness are chained in a prison, not because they have done wrong and have not yet gotten forgiveness, but somebody has wronged them and they have not forgiven that individual. And, I want to speak to those who may not yet have forgiven somebody who has wronged you, and I want to say that bitterness is a terrible prison. I believe that bitterness has caused murders. It has caused wars. It has caused divided churches. It has caused divorces.

And, we need to learn how to deal with bitterness. We need to learn how to forgive one another.

 

 

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 10:12: "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses." That's really close to what Peter says, that "love covers all offenses." You can see how close the parallel is to Peter's "love covers a multitude of sins." So what does this proverb mean? The contrast is between hatred and love. What hatred does is stir up strife, and what love does is cover offenses. The opposite of covering offenses is to stir up strife. I take the strife to mean what happens when you don't cover offenses, but rather when you try to uncover as many as you can. You're on the lookout for people's flaws and failures and imperfections. Look at how Paul describes it in Ephesians 4. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

THE RUIN OF UNFORGIVENESS -STRIFE

Eph 4:26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,27 and give no opportunity to the devil. … 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

1Peter 4:7,8 The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

Bitterness is that feeling of resentment when somebody does you a wrong, or you think they've done you a wrong, and you get bitter in your heart. Now the Bible, in the Book of Hebrews, calls this a "root of bitterness" (Hebrews 12:15). In dealing with your lawn, weeding your lawn, have you ever tried to get a dandelion up? You know, you just pull the tops off, but you haven't dealt with that rascal; because the root is down there. And there is that root of bitterness, and it gets in there, and you begin to feel hurt. Somehow, you feel that your rights have been trampled on; somehow, you've been overlooked, somebody's done you wrong. And you feel that you're justified. And that's what the Bible calls bitterness—that's step number one: bitterness.

2. Wrath Now what happens to bitterness? Well, the next thing, the next word he uses here, is wrath—that's step number two. The word wrath comes from a Greek word that means "hot"; you get all hot about it, you get all hot and bothered. There's a slow burn that starts; and the bitterness turns to burning; and you just feel that start in there, and it smolders and smolders. Do you know that feeling? It's an ugly feeling, isn't it? That bitterness. I've felt it—that bitterness becomes that hotness, that burning, that smoldering thing.

3. Anger And then, look at the third step here—the third word is anger. Now wrath speaks of that which is on the inside, but anger speaks of that which is on the outside. And the Greek word for anger here means that which is open and outward. It is outward hostility now, as the smoldering rags that are in the attic of the mind now burst into flames, and they've been bitter for quite a while. We may be doing the slow burn for quite a while, and then, just the right catalyst happens, comes, and then, it's anger—that's the third step. This is outward now, and it's active now.

4. Clamor And then, that's followed by number four: clamor. Now the word clamor has the idea of being vocal, being loud. It may be tears, but most often, it is shouting. Have you ever noticed, when people get angry, their voice rises, and you talk to another person, you say, "Well now, you don't have to shout." He says, "I'm not shouting!" He gets louder, and clamor comes in.

5. Evil Speaking Slander   But then, what follows, when we lift our voices that way? That clamor turns to evil speaking; then, when we get—we hear ourselves talking that way, and that open hostility breaks out—then, we start to say things we never really meant. We begin to speak evil, there's evil speaking, slander—"I hate you"; "I wish you'd never been born"; "you're a stupid child"; "you're the meanest person I ever knew"—and we begin to say things that we know are not true; but, we are on a roll, aren't we? I mean, we're doing good now. I mean, boy, the devil says, "And tell him this," and, you start to say those things—you don't mean them, but you verbalize them, because that bitterness turned to a burning, and that burning turned to an anger, and that anger turned to a clamor, and that clamor turned to an evil speaking.

6. Malice And then, that evil speaking does what? Turns to malice. Do you know what malice is? That's when you want to hurt somebody. Pow! Or, if you can't hurt them with your fists, you'll hurt them with words. If you can't hurt them with words, you'll hurt them with money. If you can't hurt them money, you'll hurt them somehow. That's when a mother will slap a child; that's when a husband will abuse a wife; that's when somebody goes for a gun, or goes for a stick, or does some foolish, silly thing. And the ole' devil just sitting over there grinning. Oh, he's having a time; and you're the one who will open the door, and say, "Come on in—wreck my home, wreck my life, wreck my health, destroy the whole thing." You're the one who did it; you gave a place to the devil, because you let the sun go down upon your wrath, and that smoldering anger there begins to take it's toil. Terrible, isn't it? Awful, isn't it? Hideous, isn't it? I think there's not a one of us who hasn't been there at one time or another.

Proverbs 10:12: "Hatred stirs up strife," You draw attention to them, and you stir up conflict by pointing out as many of a person's flaws as you can. That's what hate does, according to Proverbs.

The opposite of this would be that you're not eager to draw attention to people's flaws or failures. You're not eager to create corporate blame and conflict. Instead, love seeks to deal with flaws and failures and sins another way, more quietly. Proverbs 10:12: "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses."   Of course, you're not ignorant that some sins must be dealt with publicly — as in the case, say, of sexual abuse or some kind of violence. But you also know that there are hundreds of things that people say and do that are offensive, or selfish, or prideful, or off-color, and they need to be dealt with quietly and kindly. I think this is what Paul was getting at in Galatians 6:1 where he said, "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted."       In other words, you don't blow a trumpet and try to placard the person's transgression all over the community. You do your best to bring about repentance quietly, personally. Or if there are reasons that it's not your place to confront the person, you simply give the person slack, and you hope and you pray that the kindness that you show by overlooking the sin would have a good effect in due time.

THE REALITY OF FORGIVENESS -COVERING

Ephesians 4: 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

So cover offenses can have two meanings. One is to simply "let it go; overlook it," and that's referred to in Proverbs 19:11: "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." That's one meaning of cover — to overlook. You see it, but love inclines you not to take offense, be angered, or be hurt, but to hope that your endurance of the injury (perhaps against you), your forgiveness, and your patience will bear fruit in change.

The other meaning is that, under that cover of patience, you may be quietly and actively dealing with the person in one-on-one ways that quietly and actively seek repentance. We shouldn't jump to the conclusion that when "love covers a multitude of sins," it's not talking to anybody. Love wants peace, not conflict. Love wants holiness, not sin. Love wants the good of the sinning person, not public vengeance.  And in both of these meanings of cover — the "overlook" one and the "quietly deal with the sinner" one — there is a forgiving spirit at work. We see that in Psalm Psalm 32:1: "Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered." In this verse, cover parallels forgive. To cover is to work toward forgiveness, where the sin doesn't break the relationship anymore.

Proverbs 17: 9 Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. 

Proverbs 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

"Love is patient and kind. It does not keep an account of wrongs."  1 Corinthians 13:5 and says, "[Love] is not irritable." That's like "overlook." It's like "covering." Isn't that the same as saying that "love covers irritations"? Then he says, "Love bears all things . . . endures all things" 1 Corinthians 13:7.

 

Ephesians 4: 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

DIVINE REVELATION –as God in Christ

ACTUAL OPERATION  -forgave you

Covering the altar  (Leviticus 16)

Leviticus 16: 5 And he shall take from the congregation of the people of Israel two male goats for a sin offering, and one ram for a burnt offering…. 7 Then he shall take the two goats and set them before the LORD at the entrance of the tent of meeting. 8 And Aaron shall cast lots over the two goats, one lot for the LORD and the other lot for Azazel. 9 And Aaron shall present the goat on which the lot fell for the LORD and use it as a sin offering, 10 but the goat on which the lot fell for Azazel shall be presented alive before the LORD to make atonement over it, that it may be sent away into the wilderness to Azazel.

15 "Then he shall kill the goat of the sin offering that is for the people and bring its blood inside the veil and do with its blood as he did with the blood of the bull, sprinkling it over the mercy seat and in front of the mercy seat.

Sending out of the goat.

20 "And when he has made an end of atoning for the Holy Place and the tent of meeting and the altar, he shall present the live goat. 21 And Aaron shall lay both his hands on the head of the live goat, and confess over it all the iniquities of the people of Israel, and all their transgressions, all their sins. And he shall put them on the head of the goat and send it away into the wilderness by the hand of a man who is in readiness. 22 The goat shall bear all their iniquities on itself to a remote area, and he shall let the goat go free in the wilderness.

Psalm 103: 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

 

THE REQUIREMENTS OF FORGIVENESS

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Eph 5:1,2 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 

 

LOVE FREELY  Prov 17:9  Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. "Freely ye have received, freely give" (Matthew 10:8). Now when I say freely, I mean you're to be so ready to forgive somebody that you don't wait for them to come to you and ask you to forgive them.

Forgive Quickly and Wholeheartedly (as the Lord forgave you!!)

LOVE FULLY  Prov 17:14 The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.
LOVE FINALLY  Prov 26:20,21 For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.  Remember Their sins and iniquities I will remember no more!

Now you might say, "but we just can't stop fighting!" You may say "I just can't handle my anger. Well, I can't help it. I just can't control it." Don't tell me that you can control it. You can control it. Don't tell me you can't. Have you and your wife ever been in one of those discussions that can be heard for about a block away? And, I mean, you're just right into it—I mean, really in to it. You are just out of control, you think. And then, the telephone rings. You pick up the phone: "Hello. How are you today?" How do you do that? I mean, how do you just turn it off just like that? I'll tell you how: because your pride doesn't want to let the person on the other end know that you're in an argument. You can control it—you can. You choose not to control it sometimes, and you get yourself in all kind of trouble. You can go from blowing hard to "oh my dear friend its so good to hear your voice." If you can do it for the phone, you can do it for your wife and kids!  I read about a man whose office files were getting so full of extraneous papers. He was a man who couldn't bear to throw anything away. And the files got fuller and fuller and fuller. One day, his secretary said, "Sir, can I clean out the files?" He said, "Well, okay, clean them out. But before you throw anything away, make a copy of it."

Eph 5:1,2 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 

He remembers it no more. You remember it no more as an imitator of God!  As you walk in love.

 

 

LOVE FACTUALLY  Prov 25: 21    ,22  If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink,  for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.

 

Damage Controlled

^20:22 Do not say, "I will repay evil"; wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

^21:14 A gift in secret averts anger, and a concealed bribe, strong wrath.

Damage Controlled

^25:17 Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.

^26:17 Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.
Ask God if we have sin to confess. Before we respond to those who sin against us, we should first ask the Lord if we have sinned against them. Jesus cautioned, "First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5).

Ask the Spirit to bring to your mind anything in this relationship that is displeasing to God, then confess whatever comes to your thoughts. Claim your Father's forgiving grace (1 John 1:9), then make things right with those you have wronged as the Lord leads (Matthew 5:24).

Ask God for the power to love as you are loved.

Now we are ready to respond to sin with grace. Biblical forgiveness does not pretend that the sin did not occur or excuse the behavior. Rather, it pardons, choosing not to punish.

I'm not referring to legal criminality or to abuse and danger but to interpersonal, relational sins. When we face such pain, we can ask God to help us choose not to punish. We can then break the cycle of retribution by loving as we are loved. However the other person responds, we will know that we have done what God would have us do. At the very least, since "hurting people hurt people," we can refuse to let their pain become ours.

How to transform "an enemy into a friend"   Loving as we are loved is the path to hope that can transform our broken world. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was right: Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.