Grosey's Messages

Family Wisdom To Forgive 

Call to worship Psalm 32:1-7

Law Grace reading: Matthew 18:21-34

Bible Reading Ephesians 4: 26-32  Family Wisdom To Forgive 

Doxology Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

 

Dwight L. Moody said, "I believe that the sin that is causing Christians more difficulty than any other is the sin of an unforgiving spirit." And, he said he believed that that sin, more than any other sin, was holding back the power of God in prayer in the hearts and lives of people. Now, I cannot prove that he is right. I think, most likely, he is. But, for him to even say that means that forgiveness is a problem that many people have not properly dealt with. Perhaps today your heart is harboring some heartache or some hurt that somebody has given to you and you don't know how to deal with it.

Some are listening today who are in chains. Some are chained by the chains of guilt are chained there because they have done wrong and they have not yet gotten forgiveness. Those who are chained by bitterness are chained in a prison, not because they have done wrong and have not yet gotten forgiveness, but somebody has wronged them and they have not forgiven that individual. And, I want to speak to those who may not yet have forgiven somebody who has wronged you, and I want to say that bitterness is a terrible prison. I believe that bitterness has caused murders. It has caused wars. It has caused divided churches. It has caused divorces.

And, we need to learn how to deal with bitterness. We need to learn how to forgive one another.

Now, one of God's greatest gifts to us is forgiveness. Thank God He has forgiven us. Thank God for His grace that forgives us. Now, to forgive literally means "to release a debt." When we sin, we sin against God. There's a debt that we cannot pay. When forgiveness comes, the debt is cancelled. If, for example, you owe me a thousand dollars, and you cannot pay, and I say, "I forgive the debt," it cost me a thousand dollars to forgive that debt. There are no free pardons. Forgiveness costs. The forgiver forgives the forgivee, and the forgiver pays the debt. And so, there are no cheap forgivenesses. When the Lord Jesus Christ forgave us, it was not cheap. Although our forgiveness was free, there was a price paid. For example, Ephesians chapter 1, verse 7 says: "In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace." (Ephesians 1:7)

Proverbs 10:12: "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses." That's really close to what Peter says, that "love covers all offenses." You can see how close the parallel is to Peter's "love covers a multitude of sins." So what does this proverb mean? The contrast is between hatred and love. What hatred does is stir up strife, and what love does is cover offenses. The opposite of covering offenses is to stir up strife.

I take the strife to mean what happens when you don't cover offenses, but rather when you try to uncover as many as you can. You're on the lookout for people's flaws and failures and imperfections.

Look at how Paul describes it in Ephesians 4. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

The Ruin of Unforgiveness  Strife

Alexander the Great conquered the world, but he wasn't able to conquer himself. You are better, to conquer that anger; it is better than to take a city. Now how are you going to do it? How are you going to get rid of this stubborn anger? Well, leave the Book of Proverbs, and turn, if you will, for a moment, to Ephesians chapter 4. Let me show you some amazing scriptures here on anger in the Book of Ephesians; and we'll use our Proverbs as a stepping-stone to the New Testament. Ephesians chapter 4, and look with me, if you will, in verse 26: "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath" (Ephesians 4:26). Now he's talking about stubborn anger here. When you let the sun go down upon your anger—that is, when you live with your anger. You husbands and wives get into an argument, and then rather than kneeling by the bed and getting right with God, and getting right with one another, you go to bed back-to-back, angry—you let the sun go down upon your wrath. Do you know what you've done? You've opened the door to the devil. What you've done is this: you've said, "Devil, come in and wreck my home; devil, come in and destroy my family; devil, come in and ruin my testimony."  You have given the devil a place—that's what the Bible says: "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26–27). What you've done is, you've given the devil a beachhead, a foothold, a toehold, a nest, a foul nest; and, believe you me, he is ready to come in. And it is that anger, that stubborn anger, that the devil loves to have as a campground.  Now let me show you how the devil works, when you open the door, when you let the sun go down upon your wrath. The devil has six steps that he's going to destroy you with—this matter of stubborn anger that I'm talking about. Begin in verse 31—we're in Ephesians 4, verse 31: "Let all bitterness,"—one—"and wrath,"—two—"and anger,"— three—"and clamour,"—four—"and evil speaking,"—five—"be put away from you, with all malice"—six (Ephesians 4:31). Those are the six steps—six, the number of a man. Let me show you how the devil works to get you—and when you open the door to the devil, when you let the sun go down upon your wrath, that is, you get what becomes stubborn anger—let me show you what happens.

1. Bitterness First of all, he talks about bitterness here. Are you looking at it—verse 31? What is bitterness? Bitterness is that feeling of resentment when somebody does you a wrong, or you think they've done you a wrong, and you get bitter in your heart. Now the Bible, in the Book of Hebrews, calls this a "root of bitterness" (Hebrews 12:15). In dealing with your lawn, weeding your lawn, have you ever tried to get a dandelion up? You know, you just pull the tops off, but you haven't dealt with that rascal; because the root is down there. And there is that root of bitterness, and it gets in there, and you begin to feel hurt. Somehow, you feel that your rights have been trampled on; somehow, you've been overlooked, somebody's done you wrong. And you feel that you're justified. And that's what the Bible calls bitterness—that's step number one: bitterness.

2. Wrath Now what happens to bitterness? Well, the next thing, the next word he uses here, is wrath—that's step number two. The word wrath comes from a Greek word that means "hot"; you get all hot about it, you get all hot and bothered. There's a slow burn that starts; and the bitterness turns to burning; and you just feel that start in there, and it smolders and smolders. Do you know that feeling? It's an ugly feeling, isn't it? That bitterness. I've felt it—that bitterness becomes that hotness, that burning, that smoldering thing.

3. Anger And then, look at the third step here—the third word is anger. Now wrath speaks of that which is on the inside, but anger speaks of that which is on the outside. And the Greek word for anger here means that which is open and outward. It is outward hostility now, as the smoldering rags that are in the attic of the mind now burst into flames, and they've been bitter for quite a while. We may be doing the slow burn for quite a while, and then, just the right catalyst happens, comes, and then, it's anger—that's the third step. This is outward now, and it's active now.

4. Clamor And then, that's followed by number four: clamor. Now the word clamor has the idea of being vocal, being loud. It may be tears, but most often, it is shouting. Have you ever noticed, when people get angry, their voice rises, and you talk to another person, you say, "Well now, you don't have to shout." He says, "I'm not shouting!" He gets louder, and clamor comes in.

5. Evil Speaking Slander   But then, what follows, when we lift our voices that way? That clamor turns to evil speaking; then, when we get—we hear ourselves talking that way, and that open hostility breaks out—then, we start to say things we never really meant. We begin to speak evil, there's evil speaking, slander—"I hate you"; "I wish you'd never been born"; "you're a stupid child"; "you're the meanest person I ever knew"—and we begin to say things that we know are not true; but, we are on a roll, aren't we? I mean, we're doing good now. I mean, boy, the devil says, "And tell him this," and, you start to say those things—you don't mean them, but you verbalize them, because that bitterness turned to a burning, and that burning turned to an anger, and that anger turned to a clamor, and that clamor turned to an evil speaking.

6. Malice And then, that evil speaking does what? Turns to malice. Do you know what malice is? That's when you want to hurt somebody. Pow! Or, if you can't hurt them with your fists, you'll hurt them with words. If you can't hurt them with words, you'll hurt them with money. If you can't hurt them money, you'll hurt them somehow. That's when a mother will slap a child; that's when a husband will abuse a wife; that's when somebody goes for a gun, or goes for a stick, or does some foolish, silly thing. And the ole' devil just sitting over there grinning. Oh, he's having a time; and you're the one who will open the door, and say, "Come on in—wreck my home, wreck my life, wreck my health, destroy the whole thing." You're the one who did it; you gave a place to the devil, because you let the sun go down upon your wrath, and that smoldering anger there begins to take it's toil. Terrible, isn't it? Awful, isn't it? Hideous, isn't it? I think there's not a one of us who hasn't been there at one time or another.

Proverbs 10:12: "Hatred stirs up strife," You draw attention to them, and you stir up conflict by pointing out as many of a person's flaws as you can. That's what hate does, according to Proverbs.

The opposite of this would be that you're not eager to draw attention to people's flaws or failures. You're not eager to create corporate blame and conflict. Instead, love seeks to deal with flaws and failures and sins another way, more quietly. Proverbs 10:12: "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses."   Of course, you're not ignorant that some sins must be dealt with publicly — as in the case, say, of sexual abuse or some kind of violence. But you also know that there are hundreds of things that people say and do that are offensive, or selfish, or prideful, or off-color, and they need to be dealt with quietly and kindly. I think this is what Paul was getting at in Galatians 6:1 where he said, "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted."       In other words, you don't blow a trumpet and try to placard the person's transgression all over the community. You do your best to bring about repentance quietly, personally. Or if there are reasons that it's not your place to confront the person, you simply give the person slack, and you hope and you pray that the kindness that you show by overlooking the sin would have a good effect in due time.

So cover offenses can have two meanings. One is to simply "let it go; overlook it," and that's referred to in Proverbs 19:11: "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." That's one meaning of cover — to overlook. You see it, but love inclines you not to take offense, be angered, or be hurt, but to hope that your endurance of the injury (perhaps against you), your forgiveness, and your patience will bear fruit in change.

The other meaning is that, under that cover of patience, you may be quietly and actively dealing with the person in one-on-one ways that quietly and actively seek repentance. We shouldn't jump to the conclusion that when "love covers a multitude of sins," it's not talking to anybody. Love wants peace, not conflict. Love wants holiness, not sin. Love wants the good of the sinning person, not public vengeance.  And in both of these meanings of cover — the "overlook" one and the "quietly deal with the sinner" one — there is a forgiving spirit at work. We see that in Psalm 32:1: "Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered." In this verse, cover parallels forgive. To cover is to work toward forgiveness, where the sin doesn't break the relationship anymore.

Now, back to 1 Peter 4:7–8: "The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." So against the Old Testament background, as well as the New Testament parallels that we'll see in just a minute, the sins that are being covered here are the sins of fellow Christians. Not your own sins, and not those outside the church, but the failures of Christians to live up to the biblical path of righteousness.

And with that in mind, we start to see this work of love all over the New Testament. That covering idea is everywhere. For example, in 1 Corinthians 13:5, it says, "Love is patient and kind. It does not keep an account of wrongs."  1 Corinthians 13:5 and says, "[Love] is not irritable." That's like "overlook." It's like "covering." Isn't that the same as saying that "love covers irritations"? Then he says, "Love bears all things . . . endures all things" (1 Corinthians 13:7). Well, "bears and endures" means that love doesn't throw your flaw and your failure back in your face. It bears it. It endures it. That's covering it, rather than waving a flag over it.

Ephesians 4:30,31

Colossians 3:13, where Paul says to believers, "[Bear] with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, [forgive] one another; as the Lord has forgiven you." So enduring, forgiving, means that people have offended me, hurt me, irritated me, and I choose not to retaliate. Instead, I cover the offense of the hurt or the irritation.

The Reasons for Forgiveness

The Grace Factor

Now, look up here, and let me tell you something: when you forgive another—truly forgive from your heart—you set two people free: one, the person that you have forgiven; the other is yourself. Now, to forgive actually means "to pay a debt." There are no bargain pardons. That's the reason our Lord taught us to pray there in the Model Prayer: "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." (Matthew 6:12) Sin is a debt that we owe. We have sinned against heaven, against the kingdom. it's a debt we cannot pay. But God, in mercy and in love, has forgiven us and paid that debt. You see, there are no free pardons. When somebody is forgiven, somebody else has paid.

When our Lord forgives us, does He pay a price? The Bible says, "In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace." (Ephesians 1:7) Out of the riches of His grace, He paid the debt Himself and, therefore, cancelled that debt. That's the reason we call salvation "grace"—G-­R-­A-­C-­E: "God's Riches At Christ's Expense."

The Guilt Factor

Forgiving and being forgiven go together. The only person who can afford not to forgive is the person who will never need forgiveness. Notice the prayer: "Father, forgive us, as we forgive those…" (Matthew 6:12) Now friend, if you don't intend to forgive that person who has wronged you, that's a very foolish—and even a stupid—prayer for you to pray: "Father, you treat me like I'm treating them. Father, forgive me as"—in the same manner—"I forgive others."

An unforgiving spirit is ungodly. It is ungodly. It is a terrible thing. Jesus illustrated this with a story.

Jesus, speaking about forgiveness, illustrates it this way; He gave a parable—Matthew 18:21-34:

Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. 23 "Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made.26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.'27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, 'Pay what you owe.'29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.'30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place.32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?'34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."

1. An Unforgiving Spirit Disgraces the Father       2. An Unforgiving Spirit Discourages the Saints

3. An Unforgiving Spirit Drives Away the Lost            4. An Unforgiving Spirit Delights the Devil

The Reality of Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

The Divine Revelation   as God in Christ forgave you.   

The Actual Operation in our experience forgave you.

 An Immeasurable separation. 

2 things.. covering of the altar

Leviticus 16: 5 And he shall take from the congregation of the people of Israel two male goats for a sin offering, and one ram for a burnt offering…. 7 Then he shall take the two goats and set them before the LORD at the entrance of the tent of meeting. 8 And Aaron shall cast lots over the two goats, one lot for the LORD and the other lot for Azazel. 9 And Aaron shall present the goat on which the lot fell for the LORD and use it as a sin offering, 10 but the goat on which the lot fell for Azazel shall be presented alive before the LORD to make atonement over it, that it may be sent away into the wilderness to Azazel.

15 "Then he shall kill the goat of the sin offering that is for the people and bring its blood inside the veil and do with its blood as he did with the blood of the bull, sprinkling it over the mercy seat and in front of the mercy seat.

Sending out of the goat.

20 "And when he has made an end of atoning for the Holy Place and the tent of meeting and the altar, he shall present the live goat. 21 And Aaron shall lay both his hands on the head of the live goat, and confess over it all the iniquities of the people of Israel, and all their transgressions, all their sins. And he shall put them on the head of the goat and send it away into the wilderness by the hand of a man who is in readiness. 22 The goat shall bear all their iniquities on itself to a remote area, and he shall let the goat go free in the wilderness.

Psalm 103: 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

The Eternal Invitation 

Eph 5:1,2 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

 

The Requirements for Forgiveness

Forgive Freely "Freely ye have received, freely give" (Matthew 10:8). Now when I say freely, I mean you're to be so ready to forgive somebody that you don't wait for them to come to you and ask you to forgive them.

Forgive Quickly and Wholeheartedly (as the Lord forgave you!!)

Prov 10:12 Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.

Prov 17:9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Forgive Fully         Drop the Matter Quickly (before it gets out of control!!)

Prov 17:14 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Now you might say, "but we just can't stop fighting!" You may say "I just can't handle my anger. Well, I can't help it. I just can't control it." Don't tell me that you can control it. You can control it. Don't tell me you can't. Have you and your wife ever been in one of those discussions that can be heard for about a block away? And, I mean, you're just right into it—I mean, really in to it. You are just out of control, you think. And then, the telephone rings. You pick up the phone: "Hello. How are you today?" How do you do that? I mean, how do you just turn it off just like that? I'll tell you how: because your pride doesn't want to let the person on the other end know that you're in an argument. You can control it—you can. You choose not to control it sometimes, and you get yourself in all kind of trouble. You can go from blowing hard to "oh my dear friend its so good to hear your voice." If you can do it for the phone, you can do it for your wife and kids!  I read about a man whose office files were getting so full of extraneous papers. He was a man who couldn't bear to throw anything away. And the files got fuller and fuller and fuller. One day, his secretary said, "Sir, can I clean out the files?" He said, "Well, okay, clean them out. But before you throw anything away, make a copy of it."

Forgive Finally  Their sins and iniquities I will remember no more.

Don't Feed the Issue… Let It Die!

26:20 Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.

26:21 As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.

Steve in Glen Innes strapped dynamite to his chest to blow up the local Police Station.

Another guy came for counseling. He had decided he hated everyone so much, he poisoned the water supply for the town, and himself as well.

"He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls" (Proverbs 25:28). You say, "He made me angry." No, he didn't. You made you angry. You had no defense because you didn't rule your own spirit. Nobody can make you angry. It's not what they do that makes you angry; it is your response to what they do that makes you angry. If you're asleep and somebody says all kinds of bad things about you, and you're sleeping so sound you don't hear them, then that doesn't make you angry. But, if you're awake and you hear them, then you could get angry. So, obviously, it's not what they do; it's what your response is.

Don't Hang Around People Who Love to Argue  Prov 22:10 Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended. 22:24-25 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, 25 or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

The Results of Forgiveness

Reconciliation            Make Amends for Sin [ask for forgiveness]

14:9 Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright.

Observe Proper Social Boundaries Prov 25:17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house—too much of you, and he will hate you.

Don't Meddle in Other's Private Affairs Prov 26:17 Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.

Leave Retribution to God Prov 20:22 Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

Show Kindness, Even to the Worst Enemy (commit the rest to God) Prov 25:21-22 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. 22 In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.

Give a Gift  Prov 21:14 A gift given in secret soothes anger, and a bribe concealed in the cloak pacifies great wrath.

I cannot work my soul to save; For that My Lord Has done.

But I will work like Any slave  For love of God's dear Son.