Grosey's Messages

1 Corinthians 6:12-7:16   A Christian View Of Sex

¹² "Everything is permissible for me," but not everything is helpful. "Everything is permissible for me," but I will not be brought under the control of anything.
¹³ "Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods," but God will do away with both of them. The body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
¹⁴ God raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by His power.
¹⁵ Do you not know that your bodies are the members of Christ? So should I take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Absolutely not!
¹⁶ Do you not know that anyone joined to a prostitute is one body with her? For it says, The two will become one flesh.
¹⁷ But anyone joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
¹⁸ Flee from sexual immorality! "Every sin a person can commit is outside the body," but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body.
¹⁹ Do you not know that your body is a sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,
²⁰ for you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body.^[9]

 

Chapter 7

¹ About the things you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have relations with a woman."
² But because of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
³ A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.
⁴ A wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does.
⁵ Do not deprive one another—except when you agree, for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
⁶ I say this as a concession, not as a command.
⁷ I wish that all people were just like me. But each has his own gift from God, one this and another that.

⁸ I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am.
⁹ But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with desire.

¹⁰ I command the married—not I, but the Lord—a wife is not to leave her husband.
¹¹ But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband—and a husband is not to leave his wife.
¹² But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she is willing to live with him, he must not leave her.
¹³ Also, if any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he is willing to live with her, she must not leave her husband.
¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the Christian husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
¹⁵ But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to peace.
¹⁶ For you, wife, how do you know whether you will save your husband? Or you, husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife?

 

 

 

We're beginning what seems to be a very strange series today: God Loves Sex. I have to admit that this reminds me a story that has nothing to do with sex, thankfully. I was helping an old friend with a building task. Why he would tolerate my help I have no idea, I think he was trying to help me get a bit more savvy on little jobs that were beyond my competence level ( I have a competence level of zero, and a confidence level just a little above that), he was helping me gain confidence. The ladder was against the wall, and very near the attachment that brings the power into the house. He asked, "Is my back touching the main electrical wire?" You know, the one that carries all the electricity into the house. I looked and said, "Yes, you are." He was fine, by the way, but it was a moment that I imagined someone getting cooked.

It feels a little like this today. As we talk about sex — in church! — it feels like we're perched right at the edge of the roof, and touching a live wire that could zap us if we're not careful.

In my role as SRE advisor for west Sydney I advised the SRE teachers not to discuss sex in the classroom, because no matter what you say someone will hear it differently and report you!

There are some issues here we MUST discuss!

Sex is powerful and intense. It is both beautiful and powerful, maybe even dangerous. It's like this across all cultures, and it's been this way through all of history. Sex is powerful.

But sex is also complicated. Because sex is so powerful, it impacts us in very significant ways. And because we live in a broken world, and we're imperfect people, all of us are complicated when it comes to sex. We have histories. We have hurts and regrets, and some of them are deep. We have longings. We want to love and be loved, and we know something of the beauty and power of sex, but we've also been hurt. We want to enjoy the beauty of this powerful part of our lives, and we also need understanding for our complicated feelings. And we also need healing.

Not only that, but we're taught all kinds of things about sex every day. We live in a sex-crazed world. It's in TV, movies, music, and greeting cards. It's in our conversations. Sadly, it's also been trampled and abused through things pornography, sexual abuse, human trafficking. It's a huge part of our culture

Sex is powerful, we are complicated, and it's all over culture. Then to top it off — what are we doing talking about it in church? Couldn't we talk about something else?

You can't avoid being sexual, so we have to figure out how to be sexual in the right way, so we can truly flourish. Sex and spirituality overlap in a powerful way.

Tim Keller pastors a church in New York. He was once asked to identify a few obstacles to revival in the contemporary church. Drawing on his experience in Manhattan, Keller started with one issue: the fact that almost all singles outside the Church and a majority inside the Church are sleeping with each other.

Some years ago I met the top Christian relationship counselor in the USA.  His name is Jim Talley. He told me of his technique in helping young adults through the tough issues.   He'd ask them to grab coffee with him to catch up on life. When he'd ask about their spiritual lives, they'd often talk about the difficulties and doubts they were experiencing.. and how it all started to shake the foundations. They had started to struggle with their faith. At that point, he'd look at them and ask one question, "So who have you been sleeping with?" Shocked, their faces would inevitably fall and say something like "How did you know?"

When he met with couples for counseling prior to their wedding, he would take out a card to surprise them. It was pretty frontal. Where are you up to on this scale.  

 

Sexual intercourse

Petting

Caressing Breasts

_______________________

Kissing

Hand holding

 

I have used this often, and found only a few who had not gone much further than they should.

If the Church is going to see serious spiritual renewal, especially among the younger generations, we need to present an alternative view of sex that is beautiful, but different than the one offered in the dominant cultural narratives; a view of sexuality that affirms its goodness while placing it within God's intended framework.

 

1.      Sex Is a very Powerful thing.

It is Pervasive

I'd then explain that there were a variety of sexual views back then, just as there are now. Some believed that sex was for procreation. Some saw sex as recreational, and had no problem with men having sex outside of marriage with household slaves, prostitutes, or other people from lower classes. There was a huge double standard. Married men were allowed to have sex outside of marriage; adultery only happened when a married woman was involved. Men typically got married in their late twenties, but they were expected to be involved in various sexual experiences once they became adolescents. Homosexuality was also part of life in the Roman world, including Corinth. Same-sex marriage isn't a completely new thing. The Roman emperor Nero married two men on two different occasions. Don't get me wrong. There are some differences in the way we think about sexuality now compared to the way that they thought back then. But in other ways, things are just the same. We live in a sexual culture now; they lived in a very sexual culture then.

And that sexualized culture can be quite preoccupying for many.

We are built with desires. Look at what Paul says of these desires in 7: Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control. …  ⁹ But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with desire.

Burning desire. Difficult challenges to our self-control!!

It can be Preoccupying

I asked an elderly man whether it got any easier to control our sexual desires? As an 85 year old man he said "I hope it will one day!"

Let's just look at one example: porn. According to stats, porn is a huge issue, even in the church. There is a high percentage of both men and women using porn.  Talking with the assistant to the Bishop earlier this year, he mentioned that this issue is causing pastors to drop out of the ministry. It is so addictive that godly men are finding themselves unable to control the addiction.

 And it has a number of negative effects. In 2012, Men's Health magazine — which is not a Christian magazine the last time I checked — summarized eight harmful effects of porn. It's progressive. It creates unrealistic expectations. It can lead to casual sex. It amplifies emotional problems. It creates unhealthy sexual bonds. It counterfeits intimacy. It disrupts real relationships. It hurts your spouse.

And yet people know this and cannot break the habit! Why?  Major recent research suggests that pornography cuts a channel in our neural pathways, even causing physical changes in our neural pathways. It is extremely hard to beat.

It can be Persuasive

Paul is quoting slogans or beliefs that people held. Here it is: "All things are lawful for me." Or, as the NIV puts it, "I have the right to do anything." In other words, "Freedom is doing what I want."

These slogans then, as now, are nothing more than an excuse for those who find themselves sexually addicted. They are an excuse to give in to their lustful desires.

Our society values freedom and personal choice. We think that the good life comes when we get to decide what's right for ourselves. Nobody can tell us that we're wrong, because that's infringing on our freedom. You need to decide what's right for you without anyone telling you what to do. There are only two rules: don't hurt anyone else, and do what is best for you.

Not only is this view still present today, but it makes some pretty big promises. It tells us that sexual freedom, doing what want, is the path to happiness.

All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me," but I will not be dominated by anything. (1 Corinthians 6:12)

Paul repeats this phrase twice, and gives us two problems with the view that we can do anything that we want:

First, some things we want to do just aren't helpful. Actually, it's the very opposite. Some things that want to do are harmful. Doing what we want looks good, but it can actually be quite damaging.

Second, doing what we want can lead to addiction and a loss of control. I hope you catch the irony here. Paul says that sexual freedom actually leads to being dominated by sex. In other words, sexual freedom isn't freedom at all. It's more like being imprisoned in a prison of our own making. Sexual freedom isn't freedom at all.

verse 13: "Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food." That's a little confusing at first, so let me see if I can explain what he's saying. If I'm walking down the street one day and I'm especially hungry, and I just happen to come across a Burger's Priest, I might look at the burgers that people are eating in the window, and then think about my mouth and my stomach, and think, "Burgers are made to be eaten, and I'm made to eat burgers." It's just natural. The reason that hamburgers exist is to be eaten. There's no other reason. And we were made to eat food. It's just natural. You can see how this would apply to sex. It's as natural as eating and drinking. It's natural. You eat when you're hungry; according to this saying, you have sex when you have urges. It's completely natural. The worst thing is to deny your urges. Besides, they thought, it doesn't matter what you do with your body, because it's just your body.

But sex is not just physical. Its not just a physical thing with no long term consequences.

2.      Sex is a very Passionate thing.

There IS the burning desire. 7:9  for it is better to marry than to burn with desire.

Sometimes some folks just regard it as a purely physical animal thing. Its not!! It's a very important part of a very intimate relationship. Look at  how Paul describes it in 1 Corinthians 6.

There's a popular view that our bodies are just our bodies, so that sex can take place that's just a hookup, but that doesn't involve our souls. Again, the problem is that we have too low a view of our bodies. We are not just souls that live in this physical container. We are united, body and soul, so that what happens to our body is inseparable to what happens to our soul. Look at what Paul says:

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, "The two will become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. (1 Corinthians 6:15-17)

Here's the deal: sex involves giving not just our bodies but all of ourselves to another. Lewis Smedes, a Christian ethicist and theologian, put it really well when he said:

There is more to sex than meets the eye—or excites the genitals. There is no such thing as casual sex, no matter how casual people are about it…No one can take sex out at night and put it away until he wants to play with it again, nobody can go to bed with someone and leave his soul parked outside.

Something happens in sex. As much as one would like to, he or she can't ever go to bed with someone and leave his or her souls parked outside. There's no such thing as sex that's just physical. It's always more than that. In fact, verse 18 says that when we sin sexually, the impact on our souls is more profound than other kinds of sin. There's no such thing as just physical sex. It always has a profound impact on our souls.

Sex is about Intimacy

It has a profound impact about intimacy. Intimacy is something that is reserved in scripture as being between one man and one woman.  If the intimate relationship is widened to others, it isn't that we experience more intimacy with more people, we experience none!! It reinforces that selfish side to our nature's when sex becomes about us and our personal fulfillment. 

When it is about us and our sexual fulfillment, the purpose of sex in being one flesh, one soul with another is lost.

Sex is about Unity

You can lose not only your relationship with your spouse, but also your relationship with the Lord!!

Unbridled sexual passion (outside of the marriage relationship) can cause you to lose your intimate relationship with the Lord.

1 Cor 6:14-20

¹⁴ God raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by His power.
¹⁵ Do you not know that your bodies are the members of Christ? So should I take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Absolutely not!
¹⁶ Do you not know that anyone joined to a prostitute is one body with her? For it says, The two will become one flesh.
¹⁷ But anyone joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
¹⁸ Flee from sexual immorality! "Every sin a person can commit is outside the body," but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body.
¹⁹ Do you not know that your body is a sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,
²⁰ for you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body.^[9]

 

Unbridled sexual passion (outside of the marriage relationship) can cause you to lose your united relationship with the Lord.

 

 

Unbridled sexual passion (outside of the marriage relationship) can cause you to lose your intimate relationship with the Lord's people.

Sometimes people complain about the fellowship in a church being cold. Guilt can freeze over our relationships. Our relationships are always fragile because of our own sinfulness in all our relationships. But sexual relationships outside of marriage bring their own special guilt and their own special guilty behaviours; the person who exhibits over activity, compensating for their guilty conscience by doing things in the church; or the person who treats others with disrespect because they really disrespect themselves; or the person who cannot accept others because in fact they cannot accept themselves.

 

 

3.      Sex is a very precious thing.

God made sex for joy. He made it to be more than just physical. And he made it to be powerful. In many ways, sex is a window into the transcendent. I love how one book puts it: Sexual desire is not so much the desire for orgasm as it is the desire to be caught up in the sensuality of beauty that transcends the here and now for a timeless, undivided, unsoiled innocence. (Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, God Loves Sex)  Sex is a foretaste of what we all really want, and one day will be ours: to know and be known; to be utterly loved; to be united to another. It may sound strange, but I think this statement is right: "Sex is a foretaste of what it's going to be like to know God in heaven" (Tim Keller).

 

In its Suitable Place

There is a suitable PLACE FOR EVERYTHING.  Christ should be the centre of your life.

Do you not know that your body is a sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,  ²⁰ for you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body.

 

 

 

In its suitable Priority

Christ must be first. Your relationship with God counts as number 1. He claims not  only first place, but only place.

The spouse He gave you is the one who must be integrated into your life. Not your work!!! Not any other relationships. No one else matters but he or she!