Grosey's Messages

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY has called our generation “The Age of Rage.” It seems that everywhere we turn, we see an increase in anger. It’s unusual to read the newspaper without reading of hostage takings, road rage, air rage, and not just high school but public school shootings. New web sites are appearing to rage against ex-husbands and ex-wives.

What is alarming is that many of these acts of violence occur not with strangers, but with people they know. It appears that they just weren’t able to control their anger in their personal relationships.

The statistics are mind-boggling. Most murders are between people who know each other and don’t know how to manage their anger. Closer to home is the damage that we see in our own relationships caused by anger. . Somebody has to teach us how to handle our anger before we destroy our relationships and ourselves.

1. Resolve to wrestle with your wrath.

Many people just excuse themselves for it. “it’s the way I am!” Well it may be, but it doesn’t have to remain that way.

Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Job 18:4 You who tear yourself in anger— should the earth be abandoned on your account, or a rock be removed from its place?

Proverbs 14:29 says, “Those who control their anger have great understanding.”

In their book "When Anger Hits Home," Gary Jackson Oliver and H. Norman Wright make this statement: "Anger motivates a person to hate, wound, damage, annihilate, despise, scorn, loathe, vilify, curse, ruin, and demolish. Under anger's curse a person will ridicule, get even with, laugh at, humiliate, shame, criticize, bawl out, fight, crush, offend, or bully another person." In the same book, these two authors address the matter of "unresolved" anger: "Ignoring anger is an unhealthy choice. In the short-term it hinders us from dealing with the real issues, and in the long term it significantly increases the probability of physical problems." They concluded, "Ignoring your experiences of anger is usually hazardous to your emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual health."

More than that, the Lord Jesus gave directions as to why you cannot afford to excuse yourself or overlook the anger problem:

Matthew 5:21, Jesus said, “You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Do not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment!”

Genesis four tells the story of Cain and Abel and the offerings they presented to the Lord. When God accepted Abel's offering but rejected Cain's offering, Cain became violently angry and murdered his brother. James, the brother of our Lord, told his readers that unhealthy anger does not produce the righteous life God wants for His people. Paul warned the Ephesian believers not to sin by storing up unresolved anger. He admonished them to resolve their anger quickly. He warned them that if they did not deal with anger, Satan would use it as a means of working against them.

2. Remember the results

Proverbs 29.22 says, “An angry man stirs up dissention and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.”

Proverbs 15:19 “A hot-head starts fights, but a cool-tempered person tries to stop them.”

Matthew 5:22, “But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the high council. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.”

Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “Don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you.…for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil.”

Proverbs 15:18, ‘Hot tempers cause arguments.’"

How many of you know this is true: “Anger causes mistakes.” (Proverbs 14:29)

How about this – Proverbs 14:7: “People with hot tempers do foolish things.”

Prov 14: 16 A wise man is cautious and turns from evil, but a fool is easily angered and is careless. 17 A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man who schemes is hated.

29 A patient person [shows]great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.

Pro 14:29 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

Pro 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

Pro 29:22 A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.

Pro 30:33 For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife.

3. Reflect before reacting

Proverbs 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his anger but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Proverbs 12:16 “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.”

Proverbs 19:11 says, “People with good sense restrain their anger. They earn esteem by overlooking

wrongs.” Pro 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

LISTEN INSTEAD OF SPEAKING. James 1:19 says, “Dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

DON’T LET IT BURN. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Jesus said, “So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God” (Matthew 5:23-24).

Pro 16:32 Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

Matthew 12:34 says, “For whatever is in your heart determines what you say.” The best way to change what you say is to change your heart. And the best way to change your heart is to come to Christ. He will deal with the root issues of your heart.

"Whatever is in the heart overflows into speech." (TLB) Luke 6:45 A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart. An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.

DISCOVER A NEW PERSPECTIVE.

One of your deepest needs is to be understood. Paul Tournier, who is a Swiss Christian psychiatrist, says, "No one can fully develop in this world and find a full life without feeling understood by at least one person. No one comes to know himself through introspection or in the solitude of his personal diary. Rather, it is in dialog with his meeting other people." We find out who we are and what God wants us to be through relationships.

Prov 14: 10 The heart knows its own bitterness, and no outsider shares in its joy.

"A man's wisdom gives him patience." Proverbs.19:1

The Bible tells us that when you get angry, that there may be several reasons:

1. Because you're hurt. Hurt causes anger. When you're physically, spiritually, or emotionally hurt you get angry. After the Civil War, Robert E. Lee visited a Kentucky lady who took him to what was formerly her favourite old tree in front of her house. The limbs and trunk had been destroyed by Federal artillery fire. After a brief silence, Lee said, "Cut it down, my dear Madam, and forget it."

Pro 14:30 A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones.

"A man with hate in his heart may sound pleasant enough, but don't believe him; for he is cursing you in his heart. Though he pretends to be so kind, his hatred will finally come to light for all to see" (Proverbs 26:23-26 TLB).

In Israel there is the Holocaust Museum. As you know, Six million Jewish people were killed during the Holocaust, including 1.5 million children under the age of 12. That's hard for us to fathom. We would understand if they were resentful, if they were bitter and hateful and angry, if they were distrustful, if they lived in the grip of resentment. But the Holocaust Museum communicates a very different message. The message, in large letters, is this: "Remember, not revenge”

"Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes...... That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them.... And you have their shoes. "

2. Because you're frustrated. When nothing seems to work. When you're forced to wait. When things just don't go as planned. As we discover God’s sovereignty, so our frustrations are healed. Rom 8:28  We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.

"A relaxed attitude lengthens a man's life." Proverbs 14:30 (LB) A tranquil heart is life to the body, but jealousy is rottenness to the bones.

There is always something funny or amusing we can laugh about during the hard things of life. Humor has a way of dissolving the tension of a situation. So often in tension our perspective is out of focus. But there is something about humor that helps bring it back into focus and we see the situation for what it really is, when we can laugh about it. The Scriptures tells us that a relaxed attitude lengthens a man's life.

3. Because you're insecure. When you're threatened, when you're afraid, when your self worth is attacked then that causes anger.

"See to it that no-one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (NIV) Hebrews 12:15

As we discover more of the grace of God, so we become more gracious. 1 John 4:19 We love because He first loved us.

As we understand God’s grace, so our insecurties are healed.

But if we don’t address these inward issues in ourselves,, then we will find ourselves becoming not better, but bitter.

23 Smooth lips with an evil heart are like glaze on an earthen vessel. 24 A hateful person disguises himself with his speech and harbors deceit within. 25 When he speaks graciously, don’t believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart. 26 Though his hatred is concealed by deception, his evil will be revealed in the assembly. HCSB

I recently read this in Dear Abby: "I'm 44 years old and would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. Rose." Abby responded, "Dear Rose, So would I".

4. Restrain your remarks.

Proverbs 15:1 says that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Watch your words. Proverbs 21:23 "If you want to stay out of trouble, be careful what you say."

Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer quiets anger. But harsh ones stir it up."

anger is contagious, infectious.

If you get it you'll give it to other people. If other people get it, you'll probably get it. If somebody's continually angry at you, eventually you're going to get angry at them. It is contagious. So it says whatever you sow you're going to reap. If you sow harsh words, you're going to reap harsh words back.

There’s a book called Patton's Principles for Managers Who Mean It, by Gen. George S. Patton. One of the laws in Patton's book is, Never fight a battle where you don't gain anything by winning. Know what battles to fight and know what battles aren't worth fighting. "When someone wrongs you it's a great virtue just to ignore it." Proverbs 17:27

Don’t suppress it

Don’t repress it. . (Ephesians 4:26) “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

Don’t express it.

Proverbs 21:23 says, “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.”

Romans 12:17-21) “Do not repay evil for evil… Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath…Overcome evil with good.”

Do confess it.

Acknowledge your anger to yourself and God. It is impossible to hide your anger form an omniscient God, and it is equally hard to fool yourself. Have you been honest with God and yourself regarding your anger, or have you tried to hide it under a layer of superficial Christianity?

Psalm 139:1-6. Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I stand up; You understand my thoughts from far away.
3 You observe my travels and my rest; You are aware of all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue, You know all about it, Lord.
5 You have encircled me; You have placed Your hand on me.
6 [This]extraordinary knowledge is beyond me. It is lofty; I am unable to [reach] it.

Tell God that you are angry at whatever the source of your anger is. Open the channel of communication with your heavenly Father who will not condemn you for your feelings. Identifying your source of anger will keep you from hurting others who are innocent. Perhaps you are angry at someone at work and take it out on your family. Do they deserve such treatment?

Perhaps my favourite character in American history is Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln's Secretary of War was a man named Edwin Stanton. One day Stanton was complaining about a certain general in the Northern army. Stanton verbally vented his anger. Lincoln let him do so. Stanton said, "I'd like to write him a letter and tell him what I think of him." Lincoln responded, "Well, why not do it? Sit down and write him a letter saying all you have said to me." Stanton was surprised at Lincoln but he wrote the letter. He later showed his letter to Lincoln who acknowledged that he certainly had raked the general over the coals and torn him to shreds. Then Lincoln asked, "Now what are you going to do with this letter?" "Mail it," replied Stanton. "I wouldn't," replied the president quietly. Then Lincoln invited Stanton to throw the letter into the fireplace. That's what we all need to do with our unresolved anger - Get rid of it! Release it to the Lord! It will kill you if you don't!

5. Repattern your mind.

(Romans 12:2) “…be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

(Proverbs 22:24-25) “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.”

Pro 22:24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, 25 or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

I came across a story about a missionary couple in the Philippines. Her husband was killed by a careless taxi driver. Philippine law said that he had to stay in jail till all investigating was finished. But the widow exercised her right to release him. To her surprise he came to prefuneral services. (In the Philippines Christian churches it a Service of Hope.) She told him she forgave him - he started smiling but left - she never expected to see him again. This is how she describes meeting him again the next night at a church service, "The man approached me, this time accompanied by his wife and 3 sisters. All four women cried noisily on my shoulder. (She's the widow here!) There were grateful for their loved ones release from prison. The taxi (jeepney) driver and his family attended Matt's funeral. Matt's parents told him that they too forgave him for Matt's death and believed that God had a purpose in Matt's death." The driver and his family started attending church and eventually all accepted Christ into their lives. - Decision Magazine September p.30

6. Rely on God’s control.

(Colossians 3:15) “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…”

Prov 14:26 In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence and his children have a refuge. 27 The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, turning people from the snares of death.
We need some deep seated changes that only God Himself can work in us.

Now, having pinpointed the source of your anger, choose to respond to it through the power of the Holy Spirit. No one can make you angry. You make yourself angry. This is a crucial principle to realize. You can control your emotions because you are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, the supernatural presence of God who gives you His power of self-control. There is no excuse for out-of-control anger when the God who controls heaven and earth lives within you to make you like Himself.

Proverbs 14, 29 6 Keys to Controlling Anger

Proverbs 14

17 A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man who schemes is hated.
25 A truthful witness rescues lives, but one who utters lies is deceitful.
26 In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence and his children have a refuge.
27 The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, turning people from the snares of death.
28 A large population is a king’s splendor, but a shortage of people is a ruler’s devastation.
29 A patient person [shows]great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.
30 A tranquil heart is life to the body, but jealousy is rottenness to the bones.
31 The one who oppresses the poor insults their Maker, but one who is kind to the needy honors Him.
32 The wicked are thrown down by their own sin, but the righteous have a refuge when they die.
33 Wisdom resides in the heart of the discerning; she is known even among fools.

Proverbs 29

Scornful men bring a city into a snare: but wise men turn away wrath.
9 If a wise man contendeth with a foolish man, whether he rage or laugh, there is no rest.
10 The bloodthirsty hate the upright: but the just seek his soul.
11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

20 Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.

22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.
23 A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.

1. Resolve to wrestle with your wrath

(Proverbs 29:11) “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

2. Remember the Results.

(Proverbs 29:22) “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.”

(Proverbs 15:18) “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension…”

(Proverbs 11:29 LB) “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.”

3. Reflect before reacting.

(Proverbs 29:11 NLT) “A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise person quietly holds it back.”

(Proverbs 19:11) “A man’s wisdom gives him patience…”

Ask myself…

Why am I angry? What do I want? How can I get it?

4. Restrain Your remarks

(Ephesians 4:26) “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

(Romans 12:17-21) “Do not repay evil for evil… Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath…Overcome evil with good.”

Don’t suppress it. Don’t repress it. Don’t express it. Do confess it.

5. Repattern your mind.

(Romans 12:2) “…be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

(Proverbs 22:24-25) “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.”

6. Rely on God’s control.

(Colossians 3:15) “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…”

# posted by Groseys messages @ 8:19 PM