Grosey's Messages

PATIENCE

You might remember Ron Barker as Ronaldo the Magnificent, the magician. When he first came to Australia from Romania he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in stores. He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk--you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice--you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, ‘What a country!’"
We make these assumptions about Christian growth,-that people change instantly at salvation to perfection.
Powdered Christian. Just add water andthey become instantly perfect!

We ll one area we discovre our fallness is in the area of patience.

James 1:19 My dearly loved brothers, understand this: everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, 20 for man’s anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. 21 Therefore, ridding yourselves of all moral filth and evil excess, humbly receive the implanted word, which is able to save you.

"Email regret" occurs when you click "send" but wish you hadn't. In an angry impulse you fire off a hot email to your boss or colleague. Now you can't unsend your message. Proverbs provides strategies for controlling your temper, including remembering beforehand the consequences of an angry response.

Proverbs 15:1; 29:8, 11, 22; 30:33 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger. A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins. For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife.

Lots of people have the power to hurt or frustrate me. Only one has the power to make me angry. Me. If it's true that no one else can make me angry, it's even more true that no one else can make me respond aggressively or inappropriately when I feel anger. It often seems that way because my response to feeling anger has become so routine that it seems "automatic." It feels as if the person or event triggered my anger and caused my response. The truth is, my response is learned behavior. I learned it long ago, from people I grew up around, learned it so informally that I was not aware I was learning anything.

This basically means that we are to handle our anger slowly. Remember when God spoke to Moses and he said to him, "The Lord is compassionate and gracious. God is slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"? He was literally talking about patience here. Our God is slow to anger. Well, you know the fruit of the spirit are all attributes of God. Here we see the attribute of God’s patience—He’s slow to anger. A lot of times people think that anger is wrong. Really it’s not a sin. It is when it’s uncontrolled that it becomes sin. Paul tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger or our wrath. What we’re going to talk about is the root of impatience, which is anger. So we don’t want to just talk about patience today; we want to go right down to the foundation, which is uncontrolled anger.

Now, as I grew up, we were taught that anger was wrong, that it was a sin. If you’ve been angry at least once, raise your hand because we all have faulted a little. Because I grew up being taught that it was a sin, we never talked about anger. What I found a long time ago is that Christians, when they have sinned, they give other labels to it. So in my group growing up we were never got angry, we were righteously indignant, which means we were real ticked. That’s the Greek for righteously indignant (just kidding). But anger itself is not wrong. So because I always try to be very practical and applicable and relevant, let me give you the seven keys to managing your anger. Seven keys to managing your anger:

1. Resolve to manage it.

"It is better to be slow-tempered than famous; it is better to have self-control than to Control an army." Proverbs 16:32 (LB)

The first thing I want you to know today is that anger can be managed. In fact, anger for a right cause, managed directly, is a tremendous attribute. Don’t you get angry about injustice and sin? And aren’t there times when it literally motivates you or compels you to do something about it?

Now, here’s where the problem comes in. When I’ve talked to people who have a real problem with anger, they’ll say, "I just can’t help myself. You don’t understand, I mean, when it happens, it happens, and I’m a volcano. I mean, I blow up." Sure you can manage it. Sure you can help yourself. Sure you can control it. I can prove that you can control anger. Let’s say that you’re really mad at your kids. I don’t know what they’re doing but boy, you’re yelling and screaming. You’re pointing fingers and all that stuff. I mean you’re really giving it to them. You know what I’m saying?

Now, the phone rings. I’ve seen this happen. You are not a happy camper. But you pick up the phone and go, "Hello." Aren’t we sweet? And don’t our kids wish that they were on the other end of that phone line? Sure you can control it. You pick when you’re going to be angry. You better believe you do. That’s why you get angry at your kids behind closed doors. If the neighbor kids came over the same day and did the same thing, you’d say. "Oh, that’s all right. That’s no problem. I know you broke the vase, but it’s just a vase. It’s only been in the family for 230 years."

I read about a pastor who said that a member of his church said, "Well, my anger is bad. It’s not controllable. It’s probably the cross I must bear." Now, the pastor said, "No, it’s not the cross you must bear; it’s the cross your wife has to bear. It’s your sin; it’s her cross."

2. Realize the cost.

Anger is just one letter away from danger.

Proverbs 29:22 "A hot-tempered man starts fights and gets into all kinds of trouble."

You never get to the top when you keep blowing your top. When you lose your Temper, you lose. The Bible is very specific about the damage done by uncontrolled anger.

IT DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS.

Proverbs 15:18, "Hot tempers cause arguments."

Proverbs 14:29, "Anger causes mistakes."

Proverbs 14:17, "People with hot tempers do foolish things."

Proverbs 11:29, "The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left."

Maybe I ought to read that one verse one more time. "The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left." Resentment is nothing more than stuffed anger. In fact, there are two things that society has a problem with: depression and resentment. Both of them have the root causes of anger.

Zig Ziglar said something very interesting. He was talking about men in the Florida penitentiary. He said that at the Florida penitentiary, they did some psychological, emotional checkups on the inmates, and they found out that 100 percent—NOT 90, NOT 95 --but 100 percent of the men in the penitentiary were angry with their father.

You know, as parents, all of us have gotten angry with our children. And you know what, there’s something about when you get angry at your kids they straighten up a lot quicker. And so that almost reinforces parents to show anger quicker because it kind of gives quicker results. But I guess God’s words says that you may get quick results, but what happens is that it begins to go into resentment in their life and the payback sometimes comes even years later. So realize the cost.

3. Reflect before reacting.

Proverbs 29:11 "A stupid man gives free reign to his anger; a wise man waits and lets it grow cool."

You know, delay is a tremendous tool in helping you control your anger. I’m not talking about delaying for months or weeks. I’m talking about catching yourself and pulling back maybe for a half hour. Letting it kind of simmer a little bit. Just understanding what’s happening to you, your feeling, your reactions.

Anger is the result of………. Hurt, Frustration, Fear

And haven’t we all had those moments when we said something and then five minutes later, we thought, "Boy, I wish I wouldn’t have said that." We’ve all had that haven’t we? I heard a story about a fellow who was so angry at his father and he was telling his friend, "Boy, I’m so angry at Dad that I’m going to write him a letter, express my anger." He did. He wrote a letter, signed it, put it in an envelope, gave it to his friend and said, "Mail this for me." But his friend realized he was just angry at the moment. So instead of mailing it, he put it in his coat pocket and held on to it. The next day his buddy came up to him and said, "Man, I wish I wouldn’t have had you send that letter. I’d give $50 to have it back." Sometimes we’re not fortunate enough to get the letter back. We all know what it’s like to not delay and pay the consequences for it. Thomas Jefferson, in his book Rules for Living, said, "When you’re angry, count to 10 before you speak. And when you’re very angry, count to 100." Haven’t you done that before?

4. Release your anger appropriately.

There are right ways and wrong ways to do this.

Eph. 4:26 "If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin." (GN)

Proverbs 29:11"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."

Now, you know what psychology says? Psychology says that on the inside, we’re a bucket full of anger. They say the way to get rid of it is to just spill it. They call it "emotional venting". They say once you empty the bucket of anger you’ll be okay.

Now, I want you to know, that may be what psychology says, but that isn’t the way it really works, because you’re not a bucket full of anger. You and I are a factory. There is a world of difference between a bucket and a factory. When anger is released inappropriately, it just increases the volume of anger that we have on the inside. God’s word and human experience will tell you that if you become aggressive, it usually leads to more aggression. And if you become abusive, it usually leads to more abuse. And if you become angry, it just leads to more anger until it becomes a pattern within your life.

How do you respond to anger? You have four possible options, and two of them DON’T work:

Suppress It You must get control over it. Don't damage people with your emotions.

Express it See if you can find someone totalk it out with. They may be able to give you perspective on the problem.

THE #1 CAUSE OF DEPRESSION IS SUPPRESSED ANGER.

3. Do confess it. 1John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

5. Re-pattern your mind.

Romans 12:2 "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

The way you think determines how you feel. The way you feel determines how you act.

Your beliefs control your behavior. So if I’m acting angry, it’s because I’m feeling angry. And if I’m feeling angry, it’s because I’m thinking angry. So I have to go clear back to my thought line and begin to re-pattern the way I think, since my thinking controls my behavior. You see, our mind needs to be reprogrammed, because I can almost guarantee that if you watch any TV show, somewhere in that show, anger will be expressed, and almost always in the wrong way. Somebody will get a gun, shoot somebody. Somebody will smack somebody across the head. Somebody will swear. You’ll see a great deal of anger expressed wrongly, because it’s very common in our society.

If you have a real problem with this, I encourage you to take the verses I’ve mentioned and memorize them. Reprogram your mind.

6. Relate to people that are patient.

Proverbs 22:24-25"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily Angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared."

Anger is contagious. And it’s a learned behavior. In fact, we learn how to blow up from watching other people blow up. It’s a learned behavior. And the proverb writer says, "Don’t hang around with those kind of people, because if you do, you will find yourself becoming an increasingly angry person."

7. Rely on Christ’s help.

Romans 15:5"May God who gives patience, steadiness, and encouragement, help you to live in Complete harmony with each other—each with the attitude of Christ toward the other."

Patience is waiting without worrying.

Now, here’s what I want you to know. When God develops you and me, He works slow to do a good job. You can’t microwave the fruit of the spirit. It’s a process. It takes time. Remember the story of Moses? Remember how one day he saw how the Jewish people were being persecuted? He struck and killed an Egyptian soldier, and had to flee for his life. And for the next 40 years, you know where Moses was? He was out on the back side of a desert. It was that 40-year, back-side-of-the-desert experience that God developed Moses to be a great leader for the children of Israel.

I promise you that the best attributes in your life are developed through a long, tedious, trying process. And your greatest accomplishments will be made over a long period of time. I look at Moses 40 years on the back side of the desert. I look at Joseph for years in prison. I look in the Word, and I see these great men of God, like David, who spent years as a refugee in caves, even though he was already anointed to be king. In fact, every great character in the Bible went through not the microwave process, but the crock-pot process. God isn’t interested in microwave Christians. He wants to put us in the crock-pot, let us simmer, bring out the best in us.

The best things in life will take a long time. And we’ll never get what we need from God if we pray a prayer like, "Oh, God, give me patience and give it to me now." I’ve prayed that prayer before, haven’t you? You know it’s interesting; I looked up a word this week: "wait." If you’ve got a concordance, go home and look at the word. I’m talking about w-a-i-t. Do you know if you look up the word "wait" in your Bible, you’ll find that it’s in there 106 times? "Wait on the Lord," wrote the psalmist, "and be of good courage and he will strengthen your heart. Those who wait upon the Lord shall inherit the earth." Don’t forget the word to Isaiah, "Yet those who wait upon the Lord, they shall renew their strength It talks about mounting up with wings as eagles.

Tommy Bolt has been described as the angriest golfer in the history of a game that has stimulated the secretion of more bile than any other human activity outside war and denominational meetings. One (possibly apocryphal) story recalls a time he was giving a group lesson on how to hit a ball out of a sand trap. He called his eleven-year-old son over. "Show the people what you've learned from your father to do when your shot lands in the sand," he said. The boy picked up a wedge and threw it as high and as far as he could. The good news is that what can be learned can be unlearned. It is possible for me to manage my anger in a God-honoring way: to "be angry and sin not." Anger is an inescapable fact of life. But the experience of anger is different from the expression of anger. - John Ortberg