Thursday, October 23, 2025
Pastoral Bitterness by Chuck Lawless
It happens. Pastors get smacked around in church work, and they often bear the scars of anger and bitterness. My fear is that many pastors let that bitterness settle into their hearts, and they never really deal with it. Here are some markers that catch my attention:
- Quick temper. For some pastors, little things that should not create much negative response do, however – and others cannot figure out why their pastor is so easily stressed and short-fused.
- Personal isolation. The office (or someplace else) becomes a place of refuge, a place of escape from the very people the pastor is called to lead. It seems safest where people are not.
- Family stress. Bitter leaders usually take out their bitterness on somebody, and that somebody is often their family. Divorce is not that uncommon when relational bitterness grips a heart.
- General distrust. The pastor who's been hurt in the past—especially the one who's never fully moved beyond yesterday's pain—usually struggles trusting any congregation. Instead, he constantly waits for the next problem to develop.
- Ministry "merry-go-round." Bitter pastors often become "sojourners" who travel from church to church to church. Their method for dealing with issues = leaving for the next "greener grass" place—which is never greener when they carry bitterness with them.
- Weak prayer life. That's because the prayers of unforgiving people don't go very far (Mark 11:25-26). I don't know many leaders who keep praying persistently when it seems no one is listening to their prayers in the first place.
- Poor health. This marker isn't always apparent, but there's often a connection between a pastor's spiritual health and his physical health. Some bitter leaders get so consumed with their emotions that they don't eat well or exercise enough.
- Forced justifications. At least for a while, even pastors defend themselves when confronted about their bitterness. They rationalize as well and as "spiritually" as anyone can.
- "Mean" preaching. The pastors may not recognize it, but their congregations know when they're "taking out their anger" on the whole church. Having a microphone only makes their sin more obvious and loud.
- Hidden sin. Again, this symptom isn't always apparent, but it does happen: the recourse for some wounded pastors is to turn toward wrong in their isolated lives.
- Relational distancing. Bitter pastors develop only surface-level relationships. After all, why take the risk of getting hurt again?
- Fading joy. Not many people want to be around these pastors anymore. The congregation may not know all that's happening, but they know their pastor doesn't show the joy of Christ anymore.
- The enemy wants you to stay unforgiving so your prayers are hindered. Jesus' words were clear here: "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing" (Mark 11:25). Satan delights in anything that harms your own walk with God and halts your prayers.
- Your bitterness is sin. When you stay angry and unforgiving, you are living in disobedience. That sin has a way of becoming a foothold, and then a stronghold – even while you deceive yourself that your continual anger is just.
- Your stronghold of bitterness can quickly become an idol. If you choose to stay bitter when God demands a change of heart, you are choosing to serve your emotions over God's command. You may not have a carved idol sitting on a shelf in your living room, but you're just as much an idolater.
- You carry the bitterness wherever you go. Even when you separate yourself from the person who's offended you, the bitterness resides in you—and affects the rest of your life.
- Your bitterness affects every other relationship you have. Few of us are so intentional and strong that we can compartmentalize every relationship. Your bitterness affects all your relationships, even if only by others seeing your continual anger.
- Even stifled bitterness is still present in you. You may have pressed it down, but all someone needs to do is "push the right button" in you—and all that anger rises to the surface again. It's still there, slowly eating a hole into your soul.
- Our sinful egos naturally protect our "right" perspectives. Few people want to admit their own failures, especially when someone else has clearly been in the wrong. So, we refuse to forgive rather than even suggest that we may have been wrong.
- Bitterness hinders living in faith. Bitterness usually looks backward, but faith looks forward. It's hard to look in that latter direction with hope when bitterness has captured you.
- Bitterness opens the door to other sin. That's just naturally the case—one unforsaken sin dulls our senses to the work of the Holy Spirit, and other sin begins to invade our lives.
If you are holding on to bitterness today, I encourage you to repent and ask God to change your heart. Holding on to bitterness is not worth the cost.
- Has someone deeply hurt me or one of my family members? Many of us must answer "yes" to this question – which means that we also must (or have had to in the past) decide what we will do with our pain. Thus, we must ask the following questions, too. . . .
- Do I still get angry or anxious when I think about that person? The pain may be so recent that you've simply not fully worked through it yet, or it might be that you're just holding on to it because you feel justified in doing so.
- If that person has already passed away, am I justifying my continued anger? He or she's gone, so what's the big deal about dealing with your feelings now?
- Do I quietly hope that that person also hurts like I have? That's a harsh question, I know, but I've known people who would only "forgive" after their offender also experienced some kind of similar pain.
- Would I help that person if he or she needed ministry? An unwillingness to serve a perceived enemy is an indication of a disobedient heart.
- Can I pray for that person? I don't mean a "may God get you" prayer, of course. If that person is a non-believer, can you pray for him or her to be saved? If he or she is a believer, can you pray that God will use him or her for His glory?
- Would I be frustrated if God blesses that person? If you would dare wonder what God would be thinking if He blessed your enemy, your heart is out of tune with Him.
- Would I probably avoid that person at church this weekend? If so, you know you still have some forgiveness work to do.
- Am I willing for this post to confront me and convict me? What you do with this post will show you something about where you are. Increased anger is a sign that you need the Lord to keep working on your heart this weekend.
# posted by Groseys messages @ 9:23 AM 
