Grosey's Messages

COERCIVE CONTROL IS ABOUT POWER, NOT LOVE Coercive control is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse because it is designed to strip away another person's independence, confidence, and freedom. Some individuals with Dark Triad personality traits, namely narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy, may use these controlling behaviors in different ways to dominate the people around them. Although these traits overlap, their methods often differ. THE NARCISSISTIC STYLE A person with strong narcissistic traits often uses coercive control to protect an inflated self-image. They may rewrite reality through gaslighting, deny obvious events, dismiss your feelings, and blame you for problems they created. Over time, you begin questioning your own memory, judgment, and even your sanity while they maintain the appearance of being right. THE MACHIAVELLIAN STYLE People with strong Machiavellian traits tend to approach relationships strategically. Their manipulation is often patient, subtle, and carefully planned. They may slowly isolate you from family, friends, and trusted support while quietly shaping situations to increase your dependence on them. Their control is often calculated rather than emotional. THE PSYCHOPATHIC STYLE Individuals with high psychopathic traits may use coercive control with little empathy or remorse. Fear, intimidation, threats, intimidation, surveillance, and unpredictable behavior can become tools for gaining compliance. Rather than building trust, they may rely on fear to maintain complete dominance over those around them. THE IMPACT ON THE VICTIM If you constantly question your memory, apologize for things you never did, feel anxious whenever they enter the room, or believe you must carefully manage their emotions to stay safe, your nervous system may be responding to an unhealthy pattern of control. Emotional abuse often convinces people they are the problem when they are actually reacting to prolonged manipulation. One of the most painful realities is that controlling individuals often stop seeing people as equal partners. Instead, others become sources of admiration, control, convenience, or personal gain. Remember this: You are not "too sensitive." You are not "imagining things." And you cannot heal someone who is committed to controlling you instead of respecting you. Healthy love protects your freedom. Coercive control slowly takes it away. ⚠️ The Dark Triad refers to a group of personality traits studied in psychology, not mental health diagnoses. Having these traits does not automatically mean someone is abusive, and abusive behavior can occur without them.

# posted by Groseys messages @ 8:43 PM

You don’t need to have been a Christian for very long to run into the challenge of prayers feeling as if they are bouncing off the ceiling. So if you’re wrestling with this question, you’re not alone. The famous Christian writer C. S. Lewis said that unanswered prayer, especially as he prayed for his sick and dying mother as a boy, was one reason he abandoned faith until his 30s. Lewis wrote:

The trouble with God is that he is like a person who never acknowledges one’s letters and so, in time, one comes to the conclusion either that he does not exist or that you have got the address wrong.¹

At this point it’s easy for atheists to scoff and say “I told you so!” but the challenge is there’s no solace in secularism. If atheism is true, there is no God to be silent, but worse than that, the universe is utterly impassive and entirely doesn’t care. And when suffering comes, or you see injustice, or when life feels unfair, well suck it up: if atheism is true, we live in a world where evil prospers, the strong flourish at the expense of the weak, and one day everything ends in the heat death of the universe.

If prayer isn’t real, if God doesn’t exist, that wouldn’t be some kind of triumphal win for atheism, but rather the bleak and depressing recognition that humans are, as atheist cosmologist Lawrence M. Krauss put it, “a 1% bit of pollution in the universe”.² Maybe the very fact that we recoil at that suggestion is itself a clue that we are more than just cosmic debris, and that the spiritual instinct most humans find within themselves is a clue to a bigger story.

For Christians, that bigger story is centred around the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus—the Bible repeatedly proclaiming that if you want to know what God is like, then look at Jesus. And in the one and only prayer that he taught his followers to pray, the words we know today as The Lord’s Prayer, Jesus emphasised that God is relational. “Want to know how to pray?” said Jesus.“Well, start like this: ‘Our Father in heaven’”. No other religion makes the bold claim that you can pray to the very Lord and Creator of the universe using such relational language as this.

But it’s that deeply relational quality to Christian prayer that can make it feel very tough if it seems that our prayers are going unanswered. If God were simply a distant, remote PO box number to whom we sent our missives with no expectation of any response, we might be able to shrug our shoulders and say “Well, what did you expect?” But that’s not the God of the Christian faith, the God who revealed himself in Jesus, and thus we can feel abandoned, or forgotten, or just plain baffled when we think our prayers have been ignored.

But in all of this, remember: God loves you. No matter what you’ve done, what you’re going through, what you’re wrestling with, nobody is too far from God to be encompassed by his love and offered his forgiveness in Jesus. As Deuteronomy 33:27 puts it: “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms”. Our sense of God’s presence may ebb and flow as our emotions ebb and flow, as life’s circumstances toss and batter us; but God’s love and care for us is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.

# posted by Groseys messages @ 8:33 PM

Do you ever feel tempted to give up?

Perhaps right now you feel overlooked, forgotten, mistreated, and you want to quit.

Satan’s goal is to get you to do just that—throw in the towel and call it quits. Discouragement is one of his most effective weapons.

But remember this: while disappointments are inevitable, discouragement is a choice. You do not have to yield to the devil’s debilitating whispers of doubt and fear or be trapped in self- pity. If we are ever going to reach our full potential, we must understand a very important truth: God is for us. He is not against us. He often uses trials to position us for greater blessing, and even in times of great disappointment, we can trust that He has our best in mind and will work all things out for our good. He knows how He wants to use the disappointment or hardship for our benefit, and He desires that we see Him as our only source of salvation and strength and blessing.

When you feel tempted to yield to discouragement, go to God in prayer. Tell Him all you are feeling. God has an objective view of the situation. He sees the future and knows the direction your life will take. He also wants you to totally depend on Him and not rely on the compliments of others, earthly success, or worldly resources to make you happy. While disappointments will come—you live in a fallen world, after all—you can live above it by focusing your heart on Jesus Christ.

There are three strong words in this passage in Philippians: contentment or peace, strength or power, provision or provision. The God of peace be with you: His presence guarantees all three.

Peace. Contentment.

It isn't found in stoicism. It isn't found in self sufficiency. It isn't found in selfishness.

It is found in the secret.

The secret of the source of His Power strength.

Eph 6:10-12.

Eph 3:12-

The secret of the security of His Presence

If you are in an emotionally or physically difficult spot right now, refuse to become

discouraged. Ask the Lord to reveal His will and plan for your life. Commit yourself fully to Him and obey Him no matter what it costs you. If you take this approach, then God will provide for you in ways that far exceed human understanding.

# posted by Groseys messages @ 8:14 PM

One: Seek to experience God every moment of every day. As Wendell Berry noted, “There are no unsacred places; only sacred places and desecrated places.”

Two: Trust him in the hard places. Edwin Louis Cole observed, “You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.” The motivational speaker Jesse Itzler has popularized the phrase, “You didn’t come this far only to come this far.”

Three: Bring temptation immediately to Jesus. John Piper warned: “Sin gets its power by persuading me to believe that I will be happier if I follow it. The power of all temptation is the prospect that it will make me happier.” But Jesus will give us his discernment and strength to defeat temptation if we will seek them from him (Hebrews 4:15–16).

Four: Trust your Father to do what is best. Chuck Swindoll is right:

We must cease striving and trust God to provide what he thinks is best and in whatever time he chooses to make it available. But this kind of trusting doesn’t come naturally. It’s a spiritual crisis of the will in which we must choose to exercise faith.

# posted by Groseys messages @ 7:01 PM

8 WAY NARCISSISTS TRAIN YOU TO ACCEPT ABUSE 1. They slowly introduce disrespect Small insults, subtle put-downs, and boundary violations begin—just enough to confuse you, not alarm you. 2. They start with love bombing They overwhelm you with attention, affection, and promises—so you emotionally invest fast and deeply. 3. They normalize bad behavior What shocked you at first becomes “just how they are.” You start adjusting instead of resisting. 4. They gaslight you They make you question your memory, feelings, and reality—so you stop trusting your own judgment. 5. They punish your boundaries Anytime you speak up, they withdraw love, get angry, or blame you—training you to stay silent. 6. They reward your tolerance When you accept the abuse, they suddenly become kind again—creating a toxic cycle of hope. 7. They isolate you They distance you from friends and family so you rely only on them for validation. 8. They shift the blame onto you Over time, you start believing you are the problem—and that you deserve the treatment. The hard truth: It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s slow, calculated, and psychological. And one day, you look back and realize… you accepted things you once said you would never tolerate.

# posted by Groseys messages @ 8:41 PM

SOME SIGNS OF A CHRISTIAN NARCISSIST 1. They appear holy but lack humility. They focus on looking righteous while resisting correction and accountability. 2. They weaponize forgiveness. They pressure others to forgive quickly while refusing to acknowledge or change their own harmful behavior. 3. They believe they are spiritually superior. They act as though they are closer to God than everyone else. 4. They use Scripture to control people. Bible verses become tools for manipulation instead of love, wisdom, and truth. 5. They demand unquestioning submission. Any disagreement is labeled as rebellion, disrespect, or a lack of faith. 6. They lack genuine compassion. They may speak about love and grace but show little empathy when others are hurting. 7. They seek admiration through ministry. Serving God becomes a way to gain praise, influence, or status rather than to glorify God. 8. They refuse to take responsibility. Mistakes are blamed on others, spiritual attacks, or misunderstandings instead of being honestly confessed. 9. They maintain a polished public image. People at church see kindness and generosity, while family members experience control, intimidation, or emotional abuse. 10. They use God to justify abusive behavior. They claim divine authority to silence, shame, or dominate others rather than reflecting Christ's character. A person can be deeply involved in church and still display narcissistic traits. Faith should never be used to excuse manipulation or abuse. Healthy Christian leadership reflects humility, accountability, compassion, and genuine love SIGNS OF A malignant NARCISSIST: 1. Control-driven → Needs to own people, not love them 2. Gaslighting → Rewrites reality without hesitation 3. Charming publicly → Cruel privately 4. No remorse → Apologies are fake or strategic 5. Vindictive → Punishes perceived slights 6. Enjoys others’ pain → Smirks at your distress 7. Power-focused → Needs dominance, not connection 8. Threatening → Uses fear to maintain compliance 9. Smear campaigns → Destroys your reputation quietly 10. Paranoid → Sees enemies everywhere 11. Exploitative → Uses people as tools 12. Boundary-violating → Feels entitled to your body, time, and mind 13. Sadistic humor → Jokes that humiliate or degrade 14. Rage episodes → Explosive when challenged 15. Manipulative intelligence → Strategic, calculated cruelty 16. Zero empathy → Mimics emotions but feels none 17. Obsessed with winning → Must dominate every interaction 18. Punishes independence → Hates when you think for yourself 19. Plays victim → After causing harm 20. Escalates abuse → Gets worse, never better Sent from my iPhone

# posted by Groseys messages @ 8:39 PM

The Peace of God From The God of Peace

Philippians 4:1-9

The Problems With Worry

Paul was in prison. 1:13.

Society was in a mess. 2:15

Epaphroditus had been sick. 2:27

Opposition was increasing. 3:2

Commitment was shallow. 3:18f

Relationships were strained. 4:2-3

Said the robin to the sparrow: “I should really like to know

Why these anxious human beings Rush about and worry so.”

Said the sparrow to the robin: “Friend, I think that it must be

That they have no heavenly Father, Such as cares for you and me.”

Matthew 6

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious [worry] about your life” (v. 25)

“Therefore do not be anxious [worry]” (v. 31)

“Therefore do not be anxious [worry] about tomorrow” (v. 34).

“Stop worrying about anything!”

Worry is Useless

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

Worry is Unnecessary

"So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Worry is Unseemly and Ungodly

"Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

THE POWER OVER WORRY

1.STAND FIRM AND STICK TOGETHER

Therefore, my beloved and longed-for brethren, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, beloved. 2 I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.3 And I urge you also, true companion, help these women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the Book of Life.

2. REJOICE ALWAYS

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! 1:18, 2:17,18. 3:1, 4:4, 4:10

3. BE BIG HEARTED 5 Let your gentleness be known to all men.

Rev. Samuel Marsden Slandered then losing it against his opponents.

Regarded as a saint in Maoriland.

4. PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING

The Lord is at hand. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Waiting on God in Prayer

18 Therefore the LORD will wait, that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; Blessed are all those who wait for Him. (Isaiah 30:18)

1. We discover God’s will.

“The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him” (Lam. 3:25).

2. We receive supernatural energy and strength.

Isaiah 40:29–31: “He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”

3. We win battles. “Wait for the LORD, and He will save you” (Prov. 20:22).

13 But Moses said to the people, "Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever.14 The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent.“ (Ex 14:13,14)

4. We see the fulfillment of our faith.

“Those who hopefully wait for Me will not be put to shame” (Is. 49:23).

5. We see God working on our behalf.

Isaiah spoke of the God “who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him” (64:4).

5. THINK POSITIVELY

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy --- meditate on these things.9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

ISAIAH 263 You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.
4 Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.

Learning The Source Of My Strength

Philippians 4:9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you

Distress Brings Learning

God’s desire for you is fulfilment, but so often our hearts are embedded to worldly things for our fulfilment.

Problems shake us

-Persecution, pressures, people

These come to bring you the opportunity to learn God’s secret of Peaceful Contentment

4:11 I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I have learned the secret

When peace like a river attendeth my way When sorrows like sea billows roll Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say

It is well It is well with my soul

The Secret Is A Mystery The Secret Is Not Self-Sufficiency

Kipling wrote: If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming you

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too, If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, or being lied about, don’t deal in lies …. Yours is the Earth and everything in it

And –which is more- you’ll be a man my son!

Prayer

The Lord is at hand; 4:6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

# posted by Groseys messages @ 6:20 PM

Sent from my iPhone

# posted by Groseys messages @ 12:44 PM

De Sousa notes: “Consequently, believers within a Tradition may develop some security because they have an identity within a community, they are able to express a world view that is shared by the community and their way of being also aligns with the lifestyle of other members of the community. These factors produce in the individual a sense of belonging, and this helps individuals make meaning of their experiences within the framework of their own and their community’s belief system. In general, therefore, religion has an important role in nurturing the spirituality of its adherents and contributing to their sense of wellbeing.”

It is rather unfortunate, then, that in the contemporary world, too many religions have

emphasized their rules and regulations to the detriment of the spiritual dimension of

their traditions, and it is, possibly, why so many people have begun to search along

spiritual pathways that are not aligned with mainstream religious traditions. De Sousa continues: “This can, sometimes, lead the unwary and vulnerable, often young people, into difficult and challenging situations where they may be seduced by promises of

finding a happy, meaning-filled life only to find let-down and disillusionment.”

De Sousa’s salient warning is a useful guide. Religious workers may introduce their own dogmas and religious rules which sometimes substitute for a relationship with the Creator, and do not touch the depths of the experiential. While development of the innate morality is to be encouraged, it is to be balanced with the story of grace.

Rahner wrote "every true experience of God in whatever form, makes a person less insular, less complacent, and less isolated – and more restless, more inspired and more engaged with the world and humanity.”

Connectedness with others is not satisfactorily sustained through social networking in a technologized world that promises connectedness but delivers only distance and cyber or physical bullying. Close relationships “in the flesh”, — that truly develop friendships that are connective, fulfilling and self-sacrificial — are not experienced on a computer screen, ipad or cell phone. Rather, by this physically isolated communication the tendency to self-centredness is accelerated.

The Greco-Roman world of the first century may not unfairly be described as ‘Skin

over cracks.’ The ‘skin’ was the Roman Empire. The Roman Empire expanded its rule

over new territories by dominating native populations through military might. They did not seek to absorb the tribal people into a full Roman identity. They tended to utilize

existing governmental structures and different kinds of local supervision and control.

The ‘skin’ of military dominance, law and some institutions, the network of roads, a

common language (koine Greek) and a religious veneer of the Emperor cult covering a religious pluralism, did not make the Roman Empire a melting pot, but rather a mosaic of multiculturalism. There was a diversity of ethnicity, language, race and culture, over the top of which was imposed a ‘skin’ called the Roman Empire. Bruce Milne notes that it was in this climate that Christianity thrived and finally brought more than a ‘skin over cracks’ approach; the heart of the New Testament is relationship with Jesus Christ who makes a new quality of human relationship possible (called koinonia). The apostlePaul in the letter to the Ephesians claims that Christians are a new kind of people, part of a new community: a 'new humanity’ in Christ (Ephesians 2:15) who no longer exist in isolated homogenized cultural pockets of race, culture, gender, generation, ethnicity, colour, socio-economics and language, but may experience a transcending relationship with God and with one another. Milne contends that all Christian congregations everywhere are called to be bridging places and centres of reconciliation, where the major diversities separating human beings are overcome through the presence of God's Holy Spirit. Our tremendously diversified Australian culture reflects an exploding multiculturalism that must find a ‘skin of unity’ in our fragile world.

Awareness of innate spirituality with innate morality provides a strength that can lead to fulfilment that exhibits itself in empathetic connectivity and participative consciousness. Not only must this be experienced intellectually, but also rationally, experimentally and with regard to the spirituality that lies deep within.

# posted by Groseys messages @ 9:00 AM

15 “How To’s” Pastors Wish Someone Had Taught Them

By Chuck Lawless on Sep 28, 2026 01:00 am

I’ve taught seminary students now for 30+ years, and I’ve worked with hundreds of graduates in doctoral programs or local church events. I always want to know what leadership issues pastors wish someone had taught them. Here are fifteen I hear often, in no particular order:

How to oversee a budget – Because financial issues often create tension in a church, the battleground is not the best place to learn about budget preparation, proper budget percentages, spending policies, etc.
How to lead a meeting – One reason people don’t like meetings is that they’ve never seen one led well. A poorly conducted meeting is a waste of everyone’s time.
How to interview potential staff – More than one of us have conducted interviews that were incomplete at best, borderline illegal at worst. That happens when no one trains you in recruiting and interviewing.
How to prioritize family while also ministering to the congregation. Trying to find this balance isn’t easy—and most leaders have had to learn it on the fly. They want role models and prayer partners to help them.
How to manage staff and church conflict – For some church leaders, the only remedy they know for addressing deep conflict is to leave the church. Usually, the conflict remains.
How to develop and cast a vision – Knowing the importance of a vision is not the same as knowing how to develop and cast one. Too many visions go nowhere simply because the leader is a poor, untrained vision-caster.
How to evaluate “success” – If numbers are the only way to evaluate success, many church leaders are failures. On the other hand, to ignore numbers is to invite an unhealthy inward focus. Most leaders need help in finding the best way to evaluate “success.”
How to manage personal finances – It’s hard to count the number of pastors I know who simply didn’t know tax laws for clergy, missed the benefit of a housing allowance, or planned poorly for retirement.
How to fire a staff member – Terminating a church staff member is difficult unless he or she has committed some flagrant offense. Many church leaders tolerate mediocrity among staff because no one ever taught them about lovingly helping unproductive staff members move on.
How to preach the funeral of someone who likely was unsaved – Many pastors received training in leading a funeral, but the unwritten assumption was that the deceased person was a believer.
How to counsel without getting overwhelmed – Meeting all the needs of a congregation can quickly become overwhelming, especially if no one has ever taught pastors how to counsel briefly while leaning on other counselors for longer-term help.
How to enlist and motivate workers – The church is essentially a volunteer organization. The problem is that many church leaders have never learned how to enlist and motivate beyond pulpit announcements.
How to build sabbath rest into a busy schedule – Some pastors have learned this balance, but many have not—and they have no role model to teach them.
How to delegate well – The issue here is not only to delegate at all, but to know how to delegate to the right person at the right time.
How to know when it’s time to leave. I can’t tell you how many times pastors have asked me this question—usually when they’re already considering that possibility. It’s better to think about this issue before the issue is a hot one.

I would add

16. What if a counseling situation results in discovery of a reportable crime?

The first time this occurred someone reported being a lookout on a break and entry that resulted in a murder. The person was having hallucinations at the time of crisis counseling in his home. I later learnt he may have been the murderer. He disappeared from all family and friends immediately after relating the events to me. I was informed he probably suicided as he has been missing for 40 years.

17. What if the family counseling situation reveals major police corruption? After the wife dropped off 27 marijuanna plants into my backyard I discovered police were not wanting to deal with it because they belonged to a police Sargent. The problem escalated. On two occasions the drugged parties came to shoot me.

18. What if notorious drug dealers issue you with a death threat. This happened to my family twice.

19. What if a counseling session reveals a clergy pedophilia? Who do you report to and when ?

20. What if a church board member reveals something to you that he later regrets concerning his own patterns of adultery. He also made claims that may indicate he murdered his son’s drug dealer with a gun he illegally purchased . He then orchestrates a leadership revolt. Is it right to leave ? Is it appropriate to reveal content of a counseling session to the other leaders ?

21. What if a neighbouring church permits a former pastor who was recently jailed for being a predatory pedophile to conduct a funeral service at his former church but denominational leaders say it is just a small thing or that you are unforgiving for challenging that behaviour ?

# posted by Groseys messages @ 9:57 PM

Grace Davie, who coined the term “believing without belonging,” writes, “Europe believes, but it does not belong.” She is describing those who subscribe to some belief, however vague that belief may be—for example, “general statements of belief, the notion of a religious disposition, and denominational self-ascription” which “remain relatively high, whilst those that pertain to regular religious practice or to the creedal statements of Christian doctrine have dropped very markedly indeed.” Many Europeans believe, but their beliefs are vicariously experienced at a distance from mediating institutions like churches.”

The trend in Europe is not toward atheism. In fact only twelve percent of Europeans

“don’t believe in any kind of God, spirit or life force.” The number increases to 22

percent if you include those who “don’t know what to believe.”Europeans do

believe, even if most wouldn’t necessarily believe in a transcendent, personal God. Yet, many people are no longer looking to the Church as an institution for spiritual

nourishment or guidance. According to the European Values Atlas, a high percentage

(over 50% in most countries) of Europeans believe that they “can connect to the divine without churches or religious services.” I am sure that Australian anti-authoritarianism and anti-institutionalism would reflect a higher percentage.

Cassanova acknowledges “Since the 1960s an increasing majority of the European population has ceased participating in traditional religious practice on a regular basis, while still maintaining relatively high levels of private individual religious beliefs.”

Grace Davie has characterized this general European situation as “believing without belonging.” At the same time, however, large numbers of Europeans, even in the most secular countries, still identify themselves as 'Christian,’ pointing to an implicit, diffused, and submerged Christian cultural identity.

Danièle Hervieu-Léger has offered the reverse characterization of the European

situation as “belonging without believing.”

Although churches may be low in attendance and active membership, the general populous still know which team they are batting for, even if they are down at the pub at the time. They still have relatively conservative Christian beliefs, in spite of the more radical views often espoused from liberal pulpits. “Christian cultural identities are intertwined in complex and rarely verbalized modes.” What Thomas Luckmann called ‘invisible religion’ in the 1960s remains the dominant form of individual religion. The modern individual is condemned to pick and choose from a wide arrangement of meaning systems.

Perhaps both are correct. Perhaps there is a sense in which Australians believe but don’t belong: Between 2008 and 2010 I conducted more than 500 funerals in the Newcastle region of NSW. I conducted those funerals, not as a religious minister, but as a civil celebrant, conducting most funerals for ‘James Murray’s Funerals’ in Broadmeadow.

Of the 500 funerals I conducted, less than 1 % required atheistic funerals (with no

mention of God). 99% of these “no-religion” funerals involved the deliberate selection of Bible readings, hymns and prayers. Other non-religious materials were offered as an alternative selection. Over 90% of the time, both Psalm 23 and the Lord’s Prayer were requested, after considering and discussing the possibility of the non-religious option materials. I would often be requested by members of the family, or by the same funeral organisers, to conduct funerals for other members of their family, as these folk referred to me as their ‘padre,’ or chaplain. The effect of liberalism within the mainline churches with corresponding concerns that have developed into a Royal Commission, indicated that these people believed, but would not belong to the mainline churches. At the same time, they knew that they belonged to one religious denomination or another.

One family asked me “Who stole our church?” They were unaware that the Church of England had changed its name to the Anglican Church of Australia. However, they were more concerned that the Anglican Church of Australia no longer espoused the beliefs and values that they had grown up with in that denomination. They belonged, but no longer believed what the mainline liberal churches were espousing. Instead, they believed a somewhat more conservative version which was no longer tolerated in their religious denomination. They felt unwelcome by their former denomination. They believed, but did not belong. Often their children had been refused admission to their religious denomination through the refusal of the clergy to conduct infant baptisms for non-attenders.

The National Church Life Surveyfound that there was a pattern of decline in mainline

denominations.

Key findings of the changes between 1996 and 2001 include:

· Strong growth in Pentecostal and some Evangelical denominations (eg Baptist)

· Anglican and Protestant denominations grew by 1% as a sector

· Catholic mass attendance declined by an estimated 13%

· Overall, weekly church attendance in Australia declined by 7%.

There is a phenomenon in Europe and across many parts of the Western world that is sometimes underestimated — while religious structures and beliefs are struggling for survival, spiritual interest is alive and well. Secularism in Europe has not stamped out spirituality. Europe is not a continent that is full of secular atheists, nor secular rationalists. Of course they are there. But the spectrum of belief is not simply between those believers who hold to a traditional view of God and those secularists who deny God’s existence and have subscribed to a philosophy of scientific naturalism. To the contrary, we find in between these two poles a rich, complex population with a vast array of spiritual beliefs, fascinations, and interests.

Stefan Paas comments: “By far the largest part of our populations may be called pagans...I do not use this term in a moral or derogatory sense, but simply to describe people who believe in a (usually vague and distant) higher power, who cherish rituals in the most important moments of their lives, and for the rest simply accept what works for them.”

Grace Davie (2012) has appropriately recognised that perhaps the word “post-secular” may be inaccurate as; “the world is deemed post-secular because we have chosen to take notice of religion rather than to ignore it. The religious situation itself has not changed that much. 'Post-secular,' secondly, is rarely a neutral term. The increasing visibility of religion is welcome or less welcome depending on who you are, what you do, and where you are situated in society. Religion, thirdly, “returns” in many different ways, but its return to the public sphere has been vigorously opposed by the New Atheists, whose opposition brings a more drastic recognition of the religious beliefs of a vast section of the society, particularly among academics.”

While Christianity may not have the influence it once had, in terms of outward practice, there is still a strong “collective memory” (a concept employed by Danièle Hervieu-Léger) of religion in Modern Europe.

Religion is literally in the landscape, popping up in church steeples and seen in monasteries throughout the European countryside. The Christian tradition can be envisaged as a cord — however frayed—that connects people to the past, present, and future, and which still provides a sense of cultural and national, if not personal identity. It seems that people are “ceasing to be ‘actively religious’ much more quickly than they are becoming wholly secular.”

Voas calls this ‘fuzzy fidelity.’ “Despite dramatic shifts in the prevalence of conventional Christian belief, practice, and self-identification, residual involvement is

considerable. Many people remain interested in church weddings and funerals, Christmas services, and local festivals. They believe in ‘something out there’, pay at least lip service to Christian values, and may be willing to identify with a denomination.

They are neither regular churchgoers (now only a small minority of the population in

most European countries) nor self-consciously non-religious. Because they retain some loyalty to tradition, though in a rather uncommitted way, we can call the phenomenon ‘fuzzy fidelity.’”

Goldsworthy comments that “spirituality is some vague religious or mystical feeling. Often it seems to mean nothing more than a sense of the aesthetic, a feeling of belonging within nature, or an intensified feeling of self-worth. It is a rejection of the hard-nosed scientism of the twentieth century that cannot admit to the inexplicable.”

Australia has most certainly developed a taste for spirituality, whether it is clothed in the newer garments of the old Christendom, or in the different garments of New Age religious spirituality.

“Spirituality is now well and truly part of the Australian landscape, as well.

When Sydney celebrated the new millennium with the most spectacular

fireworks display in the city’s history, it selected as its motto for the millennium

the word ‘Eternity’, which was spectacularly lit up across the city’s most famous structure, the Harbour Bridge. This word, in its readily identifiable cursive

writing style, was made famous by the enigmatic reformed drunk, Arthur Stace.

While the word carried undeniable Christian resonances, for most people its

appeal lay in the fact that it symbolized their awareness that there was something

transcendent about the changing of the millennium.”

Believing and belonging in the church community are a function of a sect-type

volunteerist epistemology. It can stand in contrast to a generally accepted epistemology, as a counter- epistemology contrasting that of the general community, and finding its support from the sect-community. The sect-community would view themselves as counter-cultural.

“Not believing” and “belonging” may represent an adherence to an institutional church, without necessarily holding to the beliefs of that church.It is possible to “believe” and “not belong”. A person may believe Christian beliefs, but choose not to belong to any particular local religious institution. Perhaps the institutional church is believed to be the only church alternative, perhaps it is a product of strong denominationalism, ignorance of sect-type churches that demand individual commitment and public commitment, and the anti-institutional Australian attitude that may dominate the individual’s perspective. Perhaps the individual who “believes” but does not belong has reacted to subjugative attitudes within the church-type, or sect-type,and loss of confidence in the leadership of the institutional or sect-type church.

Subjugative relationships can be willingly or unwillingly entered into. Primarily there is a demand to subjugate the individual’s values and epistemology to the dominating epistemology. If the relational or promised rewards are motivating enough, the individual may consent to the subjugative epistemology. If the rewards either do not exist or fail, then a reactive situation may occur; the individual reacting strongly against the subjugative epistemology.

It is possible to “belong” and “not believe”, where perhaps the generalised epistemology developed from the positivist philosophical position has dominated the individual’s epistemology, and yet the social and relational benefits of belonging to a church or sect type organisation contribute to the individuals’ self-identity and sense of personhood.

It might be concluded by some that a diversity of religious belief may be appropriate or even desirable, so long as there is a high wall; a way of separating religious or spiritual belief from the public square, and most notably, from education. For some, this viewpoint would substantiate a notion of hard secularism in the public square; one that drives out all religious opinion as divisive and unhelpful. However, spirituality is such a deeply embedded, culturally necessary thing that to make such a strong separation in the educational realm dehumanizes the child or adult.

Cassanova, J.(2006). Rethinking secularization: A global comparative perspective. Hedgehog Review Spring/Summer 2006 vol. 8. p.14.

Davie, G. (1994). Religion in Britain since 1945: Believing without belonging. Oxford: Blackwell.

Davie, G. (2000). Religion in modern Europe: A memory mutates. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Hervieu-Léger, D. (2004). Religion und sozialer Zusammenhalt in uropa. Transit: Europäische Revue 26 (Summer 2004). pp. 101–119.

Davie, G. (2001). The persistence of institutional religion in modern Europe. in Woodhead, L. Heelas, P. and Martin, D. (eds.) in Peter Berger and the study of religion. London and New York: Routledge. pp. 101-11. Martin, D. (2011). The future of Christianity: Violence and democracy, secularization, and religion. Farnham: Ashgate.

Pass, S. (2012) The crisis of mission in Europe –Is there a way out? Scandinavian Evangelical e- Journal 3 (2012). pp.16-51 retrieved from:

http://www.livedreligion.org/fileadmin/_migrated/content_uploads/S_Paas_Is_there_a_way_out.pdf

On the ‘spiritual but not religious’ phenomenon, see Zinnbauer, B. and Pargament, K.(1994). Religion and spirituality: Unfuzzying the fuzzy. in Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 36:4(1997). pp.549‐564.

On the concept of ‘believing without belonging’ see Davie, G. (1994). Religion in Britain since 1945: Believing without belonging. Making Contemporary Britain. Cambridge, MA: Ashgate.

Paas, S. (2012). The crisis of mission in Europe: Is there a way out? Scandinavian Evangelical e-Journal 3. p.19. Williams, R. (2012) Faith in the public square. London: Bloomsbury, A & C Black.Williams makes a distinction between programmatic secularism and procedural secularism in order to find a place for religion in a crowded and argumentative public square managed by respect for law.

The New Atheists is a term coined by journalists for Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, and Daniel Dennett, in their vigorous literary attacks against Christianity.

Dawkins, R. (2006). The God delusion. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

Harris. S. (2004). The end of faith: Religion, terror and the future of reason. New York: W.W. Norton and Co.

Hitchens, C. (2007). God is not great: How religion poisons everything. New York: Twelve Hachette

Book Group.

Dennett, D. (1996). Darwin’s dangerous idea: Evolution and the meanings of life. London: Penguin Science.

Davie, G. (2012). Thinking sociologically about religion: A step change in the debate? ARDA Guiding Paper The Association of Religion Data Archives Retrieved from:

http://www.thearda.com/rrh/papers/guidingpapers/arda_guidingpapers_davie.pdf

Tacey, D. (2000). Re-enchantment: The new Australian spirituality. Sydney, Australia: HarperCollins Publishers. p. 17.

Goldsworthy, G. (2006). A biblical theological perspective on prayer. In the Southern Baptist Journal of Theology 10:4. p.14. Retrieved from:

http://www.sbts.edu/resources/files/2010/02/sbjt_104_goldsworth

Raiter, M. (2003). Stirrings of the soul: Evangelicals and the new spirituality. Kingsford, Australia: Matthias Media. p.74.

# posted by Groseys messages @ 9:38 PM

Grace Davie, who coined the term “believing without belonging,” writes, “Europe

believes, but it does not belong.” She is describing those who subscribe to some belief, however vague that belief may be—for example, “general statements of belief, the notion of a religious disposition, and denominational self-ascription” which “remain relatively high, whilst those that pertain to regular religious practice or to the creedal statements of Christian doctrine have dropped very markedly indeed.” Many Europeans believe, but their beliefs are vicariously experienced at a distance from mediating institutions like churches.”

The trend in Europe is not toward atheism. In fact only twelve percent of Europeans

“don’t believe in any kind of God, spirit or life force.” The number increases to 22

percent if you include those who “don’t know what to believe.”Europeans do

believe, even if most wouldn’t necessarily believe in a transcendent, personal God. Yet, many people are no longer looking to the Church as an institution for spiritual

nourishment or guidance. According to the European Values Atlas, a high percentage

(over 50% in most countries) of Europeans believe that they “can connect to the divine without churches or religious services.”169 I am sure that Australian anti-

authoritarianism and anti-institutionalism would reflect a higher percentage.

Cassanova acknowledges “Since the 1960s an increasing majority of the European population has ceased participating in traditional religious practice on a regular basis, while still maintaining relatively high levels of private individual religious beliefs.”

Grace Davie has characterized this general European situation as “believing without belonging.” At the same time, however, large numbers of Europeans, even in the most secular countries, still identify themselves as 'Christian,’ pointing to an implicit, diffused, and submerged Christian cultural identity.

Danièle Hervieu-Léger has offered the reverse characterization of the European

situation as “belonging without believing.”

Although churches may be low in attendance and active membership, the general populous still know which team they are batting for, even if they are down at the pub at the time. They still have relatively conservative Christian beliefs, in spite of the more radical views often espoused from liberal pulpits. “Christian cultural identities are intertwined in complex and rarely verbalized modes.” What Thomas Luckmann called ‘invisible religion’ in the 1960s remains the dominant form of individual religion. The modern individual is condemned to pick and choose from a wide arrangement of meaning systems.

Perhaps both are correct. Perhaps there is a sense in which Australians believe but don’t belong: Between 2008 and 2010 I conducted more than 500 funerals in the Newcastle region of NSW. I conducted those funerals, not as a religious minister, but as a civil celebrant, conducting most funerals for ‘James Murray’s Funerals’ in Broadmeadow.

Of the 500 funerals I conducted, less than 1 % required atheistic funerals (with no

mention of God). 99% of these “no-religion” funerals involved the deliberate selection

of Bible readings, hymns and prayers. Other non-religious materials were offered as an alternative selection. Over 90% of the time, both Psalm 23 and the Lord’s Prayer were requested, after considering and discussing the possibility of the non-religious option materials. I would often be requested by members of the family, or by the same funeral organisers, to conduct funerals for other members of their family, as these folk referred to me as their ‘padre,’ or chaplain. The effect of liberalism within the mainline churches with corresponding concerns that have developed into a Royal Commission, indicated that these people believed, but would not belong to the mainline churches. At the same time, they knew that they belonged to one religious denomination or another.

One family asked me “Who stole our church?” They were unaware that the Church of

England had changed its name to the Anglican Church of Australia. However, they were more concerned that the Anglican Church of Australia no longer espoused the beliefs and values that they had grown up with in that denomination. They belonged, but no longer believed what the mainline liberal churches were espousing. Instead, they believed a somewhat more conservative version which was no longer tolerated in their religious denomination. They felt unwelcome by their former denomination. They believed, but did not belong. Often their children had been refused admission to their religious denomination through the refusal of the clergy to conduct infant baptisms for non-attenders.

The National Church Life Surveyfound that there was a pattern of decline in mainline

denominations.

Key findings of the changes between 1996 and 2001 include:

· Strong growth in Pentecostal and some Evangelical denominations (eg Baptist)

· Anglican and Protestant denominations grew by 1% as a sector

· Catholic mass attendance declined by an estimated 13%

· Overall, weekly church attendance in Australia declined by 7%.

There is a phenomenon in Europe and across many parts of the Western world that is sometimes underestimated — while religious structures and beliefs are struggling

for survival, spiritual interest is alive and well. Secularism in Europe has not stamped

out spirituality. Europe is not a continent that is full of secular atheists, nor secular

rationalists. Of course they are there. But the spectrum of belief is not simply between those believers who hold to a traditional view of God and those secularists who deny God’s existence and have subscribed to a philosophy of scientific naturalism. To the contrary, we find in between these two poles a rich, complex population with a vast array of spiritual beliefs, fascinations, and interests.

Stefan Paas comments: “By far the largest part of our populations may be called pagans...I do not use this term in a moral or derogatory sense, but simply to describe people who believe in a (usually vague and distant) higher power, who cherish rituals in the most important moments of their lives, and for the rest simply accept what works for them.”

Grace Davie (2012) has appropriately recognised that perhaps the word “post-secular” may be inaccurate as; “the world is deemed post-secular because we have chosen to take notice of religion rather than to ignore it. The religious situation itself has not changed that much. 'Post-secular,' secondly, is rarely a neutral term. The increasing visibility of religion is welcome or less welcome depending on who you are, what you do, and where you are situated in society. Religion, thirdly, “returns” in many different ways, but its return to the public sphere has been vigorously opposed by the New Atheists, whose opposition brings a more drastic recognition of the religious beliefs of a vast section of the society, particularly among academics.”

While Christianity may not have the influence it once had, in terms of outward practice, there is still a strong “collective memory” (a concept employed by Danièle Hervieu-Léger) of religion in Modern Europe.

Religion is literally in the landscape, popping up in church steeples and seen in monasteries throughout the European countryside. The Christian tradition can be envisaged as a cord — however frayed—that connects people to the past, present, and future, and which still provides a sense of cultural and national, if not personal identity. It seems that people are “ceasing to be ‘actively religious’ much more quickly than they are becoming wholly secular.”

Voas calls this ‘fuzzy fidelity.’ “Despite dramatic shifts in the prevalence of conventional Christian belief, practice, and self-identification, residual involvement is

considerable. Many people remain interested in church weddings and funerals,

Christmas services, and local festivals. They believe in ‘something out there’, pay at

least lip service to Christian values, and may be willing to identify with a denomination.

They are neither regular churchgoers (now only a small minority of the population in

most European countries) nor self-consciously non-religious. Because they retain some loyalty to tradition, though in a rather uncommitted way, we can call the phenomenon ‘fuzzy fidelity.’”

Goldsworthy comments that “spirituality is some vague religious or mystical feeling. Often it seems to mean nothing more than a sense of the aesthetic, a feeling of belonging within nature, or an intensified feeling of self-worth. It is a rejection of the hard-nosed scientism of the twentieth century that cannot admit to the inexplicable.”

Australia has most certainly developed a taste for spirituality, whether it is clothed in

the newer garments of the old Christendom, or in the different garments of New Age

religious spirituality.

“Spirituality is now well and truly part of the Australian landscape, as well.

When Sydney celebrated the new millennium with the most spectacular

fireworks display in the city’s history, it selected as its motto for the millennium

the word ‘Eternity’, which was spectacularly lit up across the city’s most famous

structure, the Harbour Bridge. This word, in its readily identifiable cursive

writing style, was made famous by the enigmatic reformed drunk, Arthur Stace.

While the word carried undeniable Christian resonances, for most people its

appeal lay in the fact that it symbolized their awareness that there was something

transcendent about the changing of the millennium.”

Believing and belonging in the church community are a function of a sect-type

volunteerist epistemology. It can stand in contrast to a generally accepted epistemology, as a counter- epistemology contrasting that of the general community, and finding its support from the sect-community. The sect-community would view themselves as counter-cultural.

“Not believing” and “belonging” may represent an adherence to an institutional church, without necessarily holding to the beliefs of that church.It is possible to “believe” and “not belong”. A person may believe Christian beliefs, but

choose not to belong to any particular local religious institution. Perhaps the

institutional church is believed to be the only church alternative, perhaps it is a product of strong denominationalism, ignorance of sect-type churches that demand individual commitment and public commitment, and the anti-institutional Australian attitude that may dominate the individual’s perspective. Perhaps the individual who “believes” but does not belong has reacted to subjugative attitudes within the church-type, or sect-type,and loss of confidence in the leadership of the institutional or sect-type church.

Subjugative relationships can be willingly or unwillingly entered into. Primarily there is a demand to subjugate the individual’s values and epistemology to the dominating

epistemology. If the relational or promised rewards are motivating enough, the

individual may consent to the subjugative epistemology. If the rewards either do not

exist or fail, then a reactive situation may occur; the individual reacting strongly against the subjugative epistemology.